Author in the chair - Serena Fairfax

Where the Bulbul Sings

by

Serena Fairfax

Buy NOW!

In this atmospheric, passionate and poignant account of a clash of cultures, caste and creed, divided family loyalties, wealthy heartthrobs and the power of love, the story is told through three women whose lives entwine.

Hermie - a headstrong and bewitching Anglo-Indian - turns her back on the Anglo-Indian community and reinvents herself only to find that a dark secret threatens to send her life spiralling out of control and cost her everything.

Sharp-witted Edith, exiled in India from her native Germany by Nazi persecution, faces stark choices in a future very different from that she envisaged.

Enchanting Kay, separated by more than a generation from Hermie and Edith, is haunted by a family mystery and risks her prospects in London to pursue a quest for roots in India where fate hurtles her in an unexpected direction. Can they confront the storms or are their dreams destined to shatter?

 website         blog

Author in the chair - Serena Fairfax

What inspired you to write WHERE THE BULBUL SINGS?

Sock Puppets: No Strings Attached

by  

Keira Michelle Telford

In 1873, a British puppeteer called John Carpenter created the largest sock puppet the world had ever seen. It measured 18.7 inches long, and required both hands to operate. It was ... oh, wait. I think I might’ve gotten the wrong end of the stick with this guest post ... o.O

Let’s try again ...

Sockpuppet [sok-puhp-it]

An online identity used for the purposes of deception.

Part One of the Silver Series

In this case, we’re talking about authors who pose as unbiased third parties to post glowing reviews of their own work. In the UK, we might call that ‘bigging themselves up’. What I learned recently, is that there are also sub-categories of sock puppetry.

A Strawman Sockpuppet, for example, would be an author posing as someone else for the express purpose of attacking negative reviewers. There are also Meatpuppets, who have been recruited by the original Sockpuppet to support the false claims that have already been made by the Sockpuppet against others.

I never knew this. I never knew that sock puppetry had become so endemic in the indie publishing world. But then, I’m still fairly new to this. It just wouldn’t have occurred to me to fake a different identity in order to promote myself on forums, or to post glowing reviews of my own work. I mean, it’s fraud. Isn’t it? We’re talking about authors making false representations of themselves and conning readers into buying their work. That’s no different than a shop owner deliberately misrepresenting a product in their store just to get a sale.

Part Two of the Silver Series

It’s a dodgy business. If you sell a five-star rated product that fails to live up to the hype, your buyers are going to feel ripped off. In terms of the book market, the author’s name will be on a permanent blacklist for that reader, and the reader will undoubtedly share their negative experience with others. Given that, why would any self-respecting author want to risk it? Here’s my take on it all:

We’re all stuck in a never-ending auditions round of Indies’ Got Talent. And in every talent show, there are the contestants who insist on embarrassing themselves on stage. You know the ones. They’re the contestants you pity when they walk on stage dressed in clothing that’s meant to be ‘sexy’ and proceed to wail a Britney Spears song off-key while attempting to shake their booty at the audience. They’re desperate, and they’re trying to get noticed.

Part Three of the Silver Series

Unfortunately, they’re getting noticed for all the wrong reasons. Perhaps even more unfortunately, they don’t seem to care. I guess, for the Sockpuppets, it’s all about sales. The fake reviews keep bringing in downloads, so they’ve got no reason to stop. At least, not in the short term. I do question what their long-term plans are, though. By the time their current titles have run their course, their brand (their name) will be trashed.

So I’m left wondering: what’s the point? As someone who’s had a book out since last November, and only has a grand total of 5 reviews on the .com site, I know how hard it is to come by the panty-dropping five-star reviews that all indie authors are drooling over. It sucks to have a book sitting on a (virtual) shelf with no reviews for months on end. People are buying it, but nobody’s vouching for it. It’s hellishly frustrating, and I can see how very tempting it could be to take a short cut. But...

Blog Hop begins April 2012! Get your name down NOW!

The blogging A-Z challenge begins April 1st. What's it about? Well, I'll tell you. Follow this blog and use your own, at the start of April, by writing an article beginning with the letter of the alphabet starting with A through to Z. It can be silly, informative, a one-liner, a ditty - anything! 


The aim is to make friends with other bloggers and gain followers.I love looking at other bloggers; I'm one of those sad individuals who enjoy looking around show homes - this is a blog equivalent for me!







To keep up with other announcement regarding the Challenge, please follow the A to Z Challenge Blog. Now we are gearing up for the April 2012 A to Z Challenge and signups have already started.

BOGOF offer on Aaron Drew's novel Light Under the House

For TODAY ONLY, when you purchase Light Under the House by Aaron Drew for just $.99 on Amazon.com, with your proof of purchase, Aaron will gift you another book of your choice valued at the same price of $.99, (exluding Erotica). That's 2 books for the price of 1! So jump on the bandwagon and go get yourself some awesome books!

Send Proof of Purchase to bkwalkerbooks@comcast.net with your Amazon receipt number, and the book of your choice (title and link) and preferred email. Once it's been verified, Aaron will gift you your book and send you a personal note of thanks.

Letter of complaint to guest bloggers

I don’t ask for much; a follow, a tweet or two. I don’t even mind if the article has already been published (if copyright is your own) but I am SO wound up by badly written, poorly edited posts, so much so that if I get one more I'll pull out my own eyes, and stick them in the shredder!

I’m not perfect, my blog’s not perfect either, and mistakes will probably be found if you look hard enough, but I do my utmost to keep it mistake and typo free.

I receive nicely written emails from people requesting exposure, I give them a topic and leave them to get on with it. Back it comes. The topic, well, it’s SO off-topic I don’t recognise it anymore! It’s all about THEM and their BRILLIANT book and the usual sign-off is “Enjoy”.  

Ewwwwk!

This is how they start (topic should be Marketing):

Dear Lewis (who?)

My book is called Vampires and Cowboys. I wrote it when I was in Middle Grade and my Teachers thought it was Wonderfull, and had it not been for there support I would never of fiinished it. I finished my education at Disney University and from their went on to fullfill my dream of being an Doctor. Due to a accidant I had to give up my Career and my Family reminded me of my book. I published it last weak. Your readers’ will love it. Enjoy.

Please, edit your post. Write on topic, or if you don’t like the topic supplied ask for another one (I usually give a selection though). And for frigging sake, blogging works both ways. Link, Tweet, FB and blog the post URL.

Guys, together we are a force, on our own we're pitiful!

Our Mother's Recipes - Jewish Cookbook.

Easy Jewish Recipes: Bringing Tradition to Your Kitchen

Everyone loves traditional Jewish cooking. The problem is, not everyone has the time to prepare their favorite Jewish meals.  Let's face it, not many of us can spend all day in the kitchen like our mothers used to do.  Fortunately it is possible to enjoy your favorite Jewish dishes without breaking a sweat.  It's just a matter of finding easy Jewish recipes that fit your tastes and schedule.  Have no experience whatsoever with Jewish cooking?  Don't sweat it!  There are great Jewish recipes that don’t take a lot of time.

Yummy and Easy

Whether you want comfort food like Jewish chicken soup or a filling meal with brisket as the main course, there are many easy Jewish recipes to try out in the kitchen. Yummy potato latkes, delectable blintz dishes and satisfying beef briskets can often be prepared with little time and effort.  Don't let the taste fool you.  The best Jewish dishes can be prepared quickly, so there is no reason you and your family can't enjoy them every day of the week.

Film Director, Guy Magar, shares his behind the scenes moments of Hollywood!

Kiss Me Quick Before I Shoot is an unconventional memoir because it deals with diverse topics such as the magic of making movies and the magic of finding true love. I’ve been blessed to have had such a kaleidoscope of experiences starting as a child in Egypt and immigrating to America, growing up in New York and learning to speak English, going to college at an incendiary political time in the country (late ‘60s), and then setting myself on such an unlikely journey to become a film director in Hollywood. That career adventure was a story I always wished to share because it’s been rich with wild and crazy experiences such as my first producer turning out to be a real Mafia assassin, almost decapitating Drew Barrymore right after ET, and coming close to derailing James Cameron’s career though he is so talented I doubt anyone could have altered his storied destiny. Everyone loves to look behind the curtain of the movie world and this memoir takes you there on a very personal experience like no other.

America's Most Disillusioned Generation

Generation X is all grown up, but with one hell of an inferiority complex.

by 

Phil Stern

We were supposed to conquer the world, our first million in the bank by age 25. At worst, we’d live in plush homes, firmly established within lucrative, interesting, stable careers. Anything less was unthinkable.  

Of course, running companies was more our thing. Hey, the corner office was already picked out. A couple of years of business school, a few boring years paying our dues…and then our inner genius would take care of the rest. No problem.

Divorce? Screaming and yelling over the dinner table? That was our parent’s scene. We knew better, had a far greater understanding of human nature. We’d all be in stable marriages with loving, supportive spouses, our children paragons of health and well-being.

Not so long ago, say back in the 1980s and 1990s, fame and fortune was our birthright. Now, we’re all just struggling to pay the mortgage.

A day in the life of an Author

but not this day!

Pink and fluffy chick lit
Amazon.com
Amazon.UK

Really struggled to get out of bed. Had a late night trying to finish an awkward scene on a novel I’m working on, but ended up playing chess with the computer. This resulted in a tense stand-off with several more games until I was satisfied that the computer was sorry that it beat me in two moves on the first game.

Make coffee, and turn on computer. I can hear it groan. No, that’s my stomach. I haven’t eaten since, er, Saturday (it’s Monday). Funny, I’m as porky as ever. Must be the constant supply of Hobnobs. In the kitchen I pour flakes into a bowl, and top it with milk.

Spooning said flakes into my mouth, I open my email. Spam. Spam. Spam. And more spam. Oh! Win a holiday with one click.

I click. And read. And imagine I’ve won the holiday. I think about the new clothes I would have buy. Would have to buy a new suitcase, too. And lose weight. My dream ends, and the very nice, but very loud Chris Evans declares it’s nine. Already?

I make another coffee, the previous cold, and delete the spam and the holiday. A new email comes in. It’s from a lady whose work I was editing. She’s not happy with the edits. Thinks I was too harsh. Harsh? Learn how to punctuate, muppet!

Another email comes through from an agent I was hopeful on bagging. No, she isn’t going to pursue with my submission after all. I hit the minimize button. Too early in the morning to deal with, and I don’t feel strong enough. Insufficient caffeine circulating the blood stream for a start!

I glug the coffee, but still don’t feel like reading the agent’s email. I wonder about deleting it. If I call her and act like I haven't seen it, maybe she’ll change her mind?

I open last night’s scene. Then immediately minimize it, and click on Twitter. Ah, I’ve several messages and RTs that I need to reply to/thank. Oh no! Kate Moss is trending. Has she died? I click and see that it’s her birthday. I wish her happy birthday.

I go into #wip to see how everyone is getting on with their writing. @Flashgit has managed 5k this morning. I unfollow @Flashgit.

@Bitchfeatures is still editing her  novel. She said she wrote in the whole damn thing in the NaNoWriMo month. I don’t believe her. I report her for abuse.

I type: On second coffee and still can’t get started #wip

Beauty and the Beast
for grown ups
Amazon.com
Amazon.UK

I open up The Scene and re-read aloud to see if it sounds any better. It doesn’t.

Back on Twitter I see if anyone has answered me. They have. @pruebatten suggests I go for a walk to think things over in my head. Good idea actually. The “me time” is very, very important. Note to self – make more “me time”.

I shower and dress, and immediately feel better. I grab my bag and car keys and out I go. Walk? Is she frigging joking! I head to the shops. Nothing like retail therapy for “me time”.

Several hours later, and a lots of pounds lighter (money, not weight – I wish!) I come home. I’ve bought a pair of boyfriend jeans and a T-shirt. I go to dump the bags in my wardrobe, but as I open the door a pair of jeans, with the label still on, fall out. I pick them up and remember I bought them last week. They are EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE ONES I’VE JUST BOUGHT!

Bugger.

Back at my computer I check my emails. The agent one is still there and I open it sulkily: “the round table isn’t keen on your concept and doesn’t think it’ll sell”. Round table? What is she, bloody King Arthur?

Welcome to the dark side
of chick lit
Amazon.UK
Amazon.com

I open Twitter to pour out my woes: Rejected again #wip #submission #reject #author Might hit the bottle later.

I glance at clock to see if this idea is doable. Almost mid-day, a little early, even for me!

I notice I’ve lost three followers. Really depressed now. I call my friend and tell her all about my horrendous morning. She can’t really talk because her house was burgled last night, and the police are there taking statements. Still, she could have been a little more sympathetic, selfish cow.

At the computer I open The Scene.

You know, it reads really good now. Think I’ll keep it after all.

Children's writer and illustrator Joanna Cook with her second in the series of The Wrenolds

 The "Wrenolds," a family of wrens, have survived a tornado and rebuilt their home just in time to celebrate Grandma's birthday.  

5-12 years.

This is the second story in the delightful and whimsical series about a bird community.  Join the cardinals, Sir Al and Alberta, the robins, Mr. and Mrs. Robinson, and the elegant hummingbirds, Tony and Mary Hummingway, and others.  

See what happens when Jackie Wrenolds finds the perfect birthday gift for Grandma and the story takes a mysterious turn.

Children will delight in this charming story written from the perspective of birds - and learn something too!


Published by Mirror Publishing:  www.pagesofwonder.com Written/illustrations by Joanne Cook. 


Join "The Wrenolds of Elm Tree Cottage" on Facebook
Buy on Amazon

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10 Novels That Nail the College Experience

Is there one single novel that captures the college experience? Well … no. The institution you decide to attend, the subjects you choose to study, and your own predilection for hitting the books versus enjoying all of the other , ahem, distractions that college has to offer, all help to define your personal "experience" of college. But, though one novel alone doesn't tell the whole story, we've found 10 that each nail at least some aspect of the college experience. Have a look:


http://www.toponlinecolleges.com/blog/2012/10-novels-that-nail-the-college-experience/

From agents offering editing services to Amazon Jimmy Gordon offers his entertaining view of the publishing world.

I must say I have been completely lost as far as topic for today’s post goes. But, since this seems to be more of a site for writers than readers I thought we might discuss just where we are going, where our lives in literature are concerned.

GUEST POST BY JIMMY GORDON

author of Dartboard

I often read that changes in the field of literature move along at a pretty slow pace. However, I can’t agree with that I have witnessed the dynamic of this business change, well, dynamically! Once I had blundered through that first book, upon the strike of the very last key, I really had no idea where to move from there. How does one get a book published? I turned to the internet and typed in a simple search: ‘how does one publish their first book’? Naturally, one of the vanity presses popped up, and not knowing any better, I jumped on board without any idea that an author taking that road for publishing would be scorned, dragged out into the streets, their books burned, and their backs lashed out in the courtyard just for having the nerve to ask a bookseller to sell their self-published stuff, even on consignment!

That was just ten years ago, and look what’s happening now: there are folks like J. A. Konrath setting the traditional form of publishing aside to self-publish on their own. And other big name stars seem to be following his lead. But how does that help the small fry? I’ve read Joe’s blog, and don’t get me wrong, I love the guy. In fact, his name and words are on the cover of my current book in the form of a blurb. In his blog he talks about the sales he’s making without the need to cut an agent or a publisher in on his booty. I imagine for many of us, all of us who have insulated our homes with rejection letters from publishers and agents, it offers a little bit of hope that we can make it big. But should it? After all, yes, these folks are self-publishing, but they’ve had the benefit of publishing with a large publishing house. They didn’t enter the self-publishing arena as a complete no-name starting from scratch. Their audiences had already been built. So I ask, is this new trend one to be embraced? Or should we stiffen up our backsides and keep sending out those emails and letters to publishers and agents?

Free paranormal novel by Lisa Graves.

What would you do if you thought your boyfriend were a figment of your imagination? That is Lilly’s problem. 

YA Paranormal Romance / Mystery
 by Lisa Graves

Sure he randomly seems to appear and disappear out of nowhere.  

Perhaps he is cryptic and evasive when it comes to details of his past?

But what if you can feel in your soul that you are meant to be together?  

Would that tiny detail matter?

Buy Atlantis FREE from Smashwords using this coupon: XR67Y coupon expires 31st January.

Excerpt from Atlantis:

My eyes looked at the ground. I didn’t want to, but I made myself say it. “You’re not real.”

Elliott was quiet. I looked up to see what he was doing. He continued to sit on the grass but he looked shocked. “What do you mean by that?” I noticed a cautious tone in his voice.

I dove into my brain trying to find the right words to use when breaking up with yourself. I came up empty handed. The fact that I desperately wanted to stay and live in my fantasy land didn’t make it any easier. My torrent stream of emotions was giving me away. I bit my lip, trying to keep my face from exposing all of my secrets. Strangely, he did the same.

“What do you mean, I’m not real?” Elliott asked again. He gently placed his hand on mine. The usual sensation of electricity flowing through him to me, pricked my mind and made me doubt my hallucination theory. He wasn’t helping me.

It was probably a combination of my emotions keeping me an inch from tears, and his penetrating eyes bearing down on my soul, but I had overflowed. I couldn’t stop the words from pouring out.

“YOU ARE NOT REAL!” I yelled, more at myself than at Elliott.

I stood up. His mouth gapped open at me as I paced the cove and continued.

“You are too perfect. And good looking. And sweet...”

He looked as though he was going to argue, but I went on.

“No one has seen you but me.”

He whispered something to himself and shook his head.

“You appear and disappear out of nowhere.”

I turned again at the edge of the cove, racking my brain for more proof of my theory. When I resumed my pacing, he spoke.

“I know,” he said in a soft, apologetic purr and looked straight at me.

Elliott caught me off guard. I hadn’t expected my hallucination to agree with me. “What do you mean you know?"

Find out more from Lisa Graves at: http://www.lisagravesbooks.com/

A brand new thriller from M. D. Cliatt

A BRAND NEW WORLD

When criminal defense attorney Maeven Dayne decides not to walk away from her job to defend a teenage girl with no family and no money, she finds herself taking on a corrupt juvenile justice system and winds up in the middle of a murder plot.

I’m brand new to the world of writing fiction, and from what I see and hear, the world has changed with the advent of ebooks and online publishing. When I started writing my novel four years ago, I had no idea how I was going to publish and market it.  I just knew I wanted to write it and I’d worry about the rest later.  So, when later arrived, I found myself pulling my hair out as I tried to figure out how to get it done: to publish through a traditional house or to self-publish. Both options seemed intimidating. I never really concerned myself with how my favorite books ended up in my hands; I just wanted to find the nearest hidey hole and plunge into someone else’s imagination. Well now, I wanted to share my imaginary world and story through a book, and I didn’t know how to do it.  Ugh!  So, I jumped on my trusty steed--my laptop of course--and galloped into the virtual new world of cyberspace looking for answers. 

I am I: The In-Dweller of your Heart - a stepping stone for spiritual education.

Savour the Flavouring

Or should I say ‘SAVIOUR’? 

by 

David Knight

In this post I would like to give a taster of things to come with two snippets from my new book called, I am I: The In-Dweller of your Heart.

In essence ‘truth’ is simple, and as such, I feel that any spiritual guidance and education for our hearts and souls should resonate and connect within us.

ANCHORS AWAY! COME AND SAIL THE OCEAN OF LOVE. 

This snippet is from a Lesson called ‘Energy’.

In fact, your physical is the only thing that was 'born' because your essence, your Atma; your Soul was never ‘born’ into the physical world as you already 'existed' and are permanent …only the impermanent fades and dies.

When stars collapse and become black holes, a change of energy has taken place yet it still exists.... just like a human being which goes through similar processes, evolving, growing, maturing; but as the body is born, it follows that it will die.

This ‘body’ is cremated or buried and it is either transmuted into another form by fire and ash or by dissolving into earth because everything is returned to me, as I am all things.

Understand though, that even those who do not remember me in their hearts, I still love ....for everyone is near and dear to me and the realization of such, one day, will happen.

All will sail on my ocean of love for I am the wind that will empower those that lay there floundering by the rocks.

I will remove their anchor (or you could say ‘anger’), that weighs them down in the false position of a make-believe harbour within the physical world …with its materialism and traits of ego, personified by lack of compassion and mistrust.

KDP Select - Amazon wants exclusivity.

What's the deal with Kindle? They want exclusivity with our books, is this goodbye to Smashwords and other e-outlets? Will this 90 days exclusivity become indefinite?  

They only want our E version, our paperbacks can be available anywhere we desire (can't help wondering for how long). But we won't be able to sell our books ourselves from our own websites any more. 


This, of course, isn't conditional with Kindle Amazon. We can opt in or out.

Check out: https://kdp.amazon.com/self-publishing/KDPSelect

This is a decision most of us have been mulling over this week.

So, questions we need to ask:

• How would it work?
• What would we get out of being exclusive to Kindle?
• Is it easy to opt out once we opt in?
• Is copyright still ours?

Who's decided already? Who's still thinking? What are your worries about this venture?


Check out Linda Rae's post who seems very opposed to the idea: http://lindaraeblairauthor.wordpress.com/blogs/new-to-be-or-not-to-be-indie-the-amazon-lending-library-program/


Writers' Beware: http://accrispin.blogspot.com/


The Guardian: http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2011/nov/16/amazon-kindle-lending-library-contract-authors


So many people are talking about it, and so far no one has anything good to say about it. But in all honesty, no one knows how it's all going to work out. And if you've an ebook gathering cyber dust I say go for it.

Win a copy of "How to Deal with Stupid Clowns who Don't know what the Hell they're talking about!" I know. Mad title, and even crazier author!

Hi all, I'm John Garrett of Hypertransitory.com, author of "How to Deal with Stupid Clowns who Don't know what the Hell they're talking about!"

I know it's a crazy title, and it's even crazier inside. This is a humor book combining writing and comics all written and drawn by me.

I've been drawing comics for probably as long as I could hold a pen (I used to draw them in ballpoint pen), but usually the stuff I came up with was more in the comic book super hero style, not humor comics.

Support Four Début Authors and Snag $125

Four books

Two Days

Great Prizes

With this contest, there is something for everyone and it’s SO simple to be in on the winning!

On November 28 and/or 29, purchase one or all four of the debut author’s books listed here. Then forward proof of purchase (the receipt Amazon sends you will do just fine) to: motionsrider@yahoo.ca and get up to four entries into a draw for a $100 Amazon gift card!

It’s that easy, no reviews, no hoops to jump through. Just a great .99 book or two - or three or four. AND, if the person who wins the $100 Amazon Gift Card has purchased all 4 books an additional $25 Amazon Gift Card will be awarded to the winner!

On top of that, two random commenter's picked from two of our participating blogs will receive $5 gift Amazon gift cards . So, be sure to leave a comment below and let us know what you think of the promo, the books, or the authors.


Winners will be chosen randomly, one entry per person, per book.

All winners will be announced on December 7^th on Wringing Out Words  and here in the comment section.


So purchase a book, or books below, comment and you may win. Books for purchasing in order to win are:

Nancy Lawson is Somewhere After Seduction

I met a lovely lady on the Amazon forums. She did something "naughty" and spammed her book. In her defence a person was asking if there were any romances with older characters instead of the usual twenty-somethings. Somewhere After Seduction fit perfectly, and so Nancy Lawson told the potential customer about her book.

She was blasted, but kept her cool, apologised and removed her post. But I was intrigued about her book and being a nosy old bat, I wanted to know more about the person behind the book. I was moved by her story.

Read her interview below...

Betrayed by her own body, Morgan's memories of love and security were becoming a dream of her past.

What inspired you to write Somewhere after Seduction?
My husband passed away, and I found myself back in the dating world in my retirement years. I found it difficult. It’s so much easier to fall in love when you're young and naive.

Why do you say that?
When you are young, and life is roses and popcorn you believe what you want to believe, not necessarily what the facts really might be. After some age, and experience you find it harder to bypass truth, intuition and/or the bottom line with men and relationships. Not long ago, I read an article written by an elderly man thrown back into the dating world, and he said it was hard to turn "dumb" back on. It summed up what I felt.


And that’s when you started writing?

I can't perform in the sexual department.

There. I’ve said it. Before I’m sent loads of porn-site links to “better” myself can I add that I’m talking about writing sex scenes? 

I find it very hard to write a sex scene and almost always have my characters kissing one minute then lighting a cigarette the next! 

My scenes seem silly when I read them back, and I end up giggling hysterically at them. When I’ve recovered enough I reread only, this time, I'm cringing with embarrassment!

I stink at writing sex scenes.

There is a sex scene in A Proper Charlie but I wrote that mainly for laughs not just for romance. Romance and sex is so hard to get right. 

Eden is more romantic, and I admit I cut the sex scenes because they just didn't seem right. There are only so many ways you can write about kissing, caressing and getting naked!

With The Fall of the Misanthrope: I bitch, therefore I am  I have many cut sex scenes on my, er, hard drive that didn't make the final book. Some were too explicit (for a chick lit), others felt plain daft while some ended up so bizarre I think I'd have been carted off for treatment with a sex therapist!

Suggestive sexy scenes are bloody hard to write! Writers (me anyway) fall into the trap of using cliques and inappropriate names for body parts (cue a list of inappropriate names for parts of the body):

Ladies:  

• Special flower
• Pussy
• Love cave
• Fanny
• Front bottom
• Kebab
• Coochie
• Lady garden
• Silken/velvet nest/folds
• Gash
• Bearded clam
• C*** (can't even bring myself to type it!)

Men:

• Third leg
• Junior and his twin brothers
• prick
• Hard appendage
• Fun stick
• One eyed monster
• Dick
• Dong
• Love pump/stick/handle
• Cock
• Willy (that one has me giggling every time!)

Euphemisms are OK but get it right for goodness sake! What's acceptable are usually words that can be read without laughing (or flinching) ie member, shaft, manhood. For a woman it's: folds, core, heat etc. 

But that's my opinion as a reader, as a writer of erotic fiction I'm certainly no expert!

The fact is, I want to include a bit of how’s-your-father in my books. I want to learn how to write sexy novels! And I'm jealous of those who can!

To write juicy scenes I'm told it's best to delve outside of what you already experience as the norm. People read for escapism, so we must use our creative brain cells to dig deep: break taboos and recreate sexual fantasies that we'd otherwise be too shy to ask our partner about. 

So what are your thoughts on the subject? Can sex scenes in books be well written?