To all editors out there--you're bloody AMAZING!

I got into trouble on Amazon recently. I joined a group of writers with the aim to write a collection of shorts for a novel. I was designated 'gatekeeper' (knocking back the bad, and allowing the good to pass through). The stories were interesting, that's just keep it at that. But I couldn't say no to anyone! The passion, the heat, love and tears had gone into those stories and so I decided to edit them, every last one.

And some of you may know, I take it VERY seriously. I'm anal about commas, apostrophes and all things punctuation--as one should be in writing. I'm sharp on POV, dialogue and tightening up.

The only thing I'm not too hot on is grammar and spelling (why I hire editors for my own work, and probably why the odd error is found on this blog).

Anyway, I settled down to edit the entries often staying up late to get finished (there was a deadline), and I think I forgot that these stories weren’t mine. I highlighted every little POV slip, put an exclamation against any errant comma, made comments against over-wordiness then basically rewrote the entire thing!

Did I say I was anal about editing?

It didn’t go down well with the authors. Where’s my voice, they cried.

Er, I wrote it out, said I. Want it back?

Well, duh, yeah.

I unedited, and they were happy.

My point, apart from discovering how anal I was about editing, is that the next time you see your editor give them a big sloppy kiss.

They deserve it!

Come here, John! MuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaahhHHHH !

Is your ms missing that, er, pear tree?

by

John Hudspith

On the first day of writing my true muse sent to me

– a partridge but NO pear tree

  

On the second day of writing my true muse sent to me

– two purple loves,

and a partridge but NO pear tree

On the third day of writing my true muse sent to me

- three gaping plot holes,

two purple loves,

and a partridge but NO pear tree

On the fourth day of writing my true muse sent to me

- four bad reviews,

three gaping plot holes,

two purple loves,

and a partridge but NO pear tree

On the fifth day of writing my true muse sent to me

- five go-lden clichés-

four bad reviews,

three gaping plot holes,

two purple loves,

and a partridge but NO pear tree

On the sixth day of writing my true muse sent to me

- six characters a-waffling,

- five go-lden clichés -

four bad reviews,

three gaping plot holes,

two purple loves,

and a partridge but NO pear tree

On the seventh day of writing my true muse sent to me

- seven sentences a-swimming (with distressingly unnecessary over-writing),

six characters a-waffling,

- five go-lden clichés -

four bad reviews,

three gaping plot holes,

two purple loves,

and a partridge but NO pear tree

On the eighth day of writing my true muse sent to me

- eight aunts a-milking it,

seven sentences a-swimming (with distressingly unnecessary over-writing),

six characters a-waffling,

- five go-lden clichés -

four bad reviews,

three gaping plot holes,

two purple loves,

and a partridge but NO pear tree

On the ninth day of writing my true muse sent to me

- nine adjectives dancing,

eight aunts a-milking it,

seven sentences a-swimming (with distressingly unnecessary over-writing),

six characters a-waffling,

- five go-lden clichés -

four bad reviews,

three gaping plot holes,

two purple loves,

and a partridge but NO pear tree

On the tenth day of writing my true muse sent to me

- ten wrong words a-leaping (from the page),

nine adjectives dancing,

eight aunts a-milking it,

seven sentences a-swimming (with distressingly unnecessary over-writing),

six characters a-waffling,

- five go-lden clichés -

four bad reviews,

three gaping plot holes,

two purple loves,

and a partridge but NO pear tree

On the eleventh day of writing my true muse sent to me

- eleven readers griping,

ten wrong words a-leaping (from the page),

nine adjectives dancing,

eight aunts a-milking it,

seven sentences a-swimming (with distressingly unnecessary over-writing),

six characters a-waffling,

- five go-lden clichés -

four bad reviews,

three gaping plot holes,

two purple loves,

and a partridge but NO pear tree

On the twelfth day of writing my true muse sent to me

twelve blasted rewrites,

eleven readers griping,

ten wrong words a-leaping (from the page),

nine adjectives dancing,

eight aunts a-milking it,

seven sentences a-swimming (with distressingly unnecessary over-writing),

six characters a-waffling,

- five go-lden clichés -

four bad reviews,

three gaping plot holes,

two purple loves,

and a partridge but NO pear tree

~}~