How to write dialogue without it being stilted
by
Carolyn Hughes
A few years ago, when I was on an author panel, I was asked how I dealt with language, given that my novels are set in the 14th century, a time when people didn’t speak English as we know it, but spoke either Middle English, a form of French, or Latin, depending on their social status and education. It’s a question that had exercised me a good deal. When I first started writing historical fiction, I wondered whether to try giving my characters “authentic”-sounding voices, or put modern language in their mouths. If my characters spoke in modern English, was it bound to give the impression they also had modern mindsets? Conversely, if I gave them dialogue that purported to “sound like”, say, 14th-century English, would that inevitably suggest they also have authentic 14th-century mindsets? I don’t think either case is necessarily true.
Hilary Mantel once said that too much period flavour slows the story and may even make readers laugh. When we’ve little idea how people actually spoke in the distant past, we must simply imagine it. Mantel recommended ‘a plain style that you can adapt…not just to [your characters’] ages and personalities and intelligence level, but to their place in life.’ Her use of modern English (in Wolf Hall, for example) is slightly askew, with a sprinkling of unusual words to give ‘a suggestion of otherness’. I’ve come to realise that the majority of historical novels are in fact written in reasonably straightforward modern English, though whether the mindsets that the words convey are authentic depends on other factors.
I generally follow Mantel’s advice. The language I put into my characters’ mouths is broadly modern English, with some slightly “old-fashioned” phrasing just to give a sense of the past. Some historical authors avoid contracted forms (isn’t, don’t…), on the grounds that they seem to give the voices too modern a tone. However, I’ve chosen to use more formal, non-contracted, forms for higher status or educated characters, but to reflect the voices of the peasantry with more informal contractions. It’s a relatively crude distinction, but it works for me.
I really enjoy writing dialogue. I follow the general writerly advice about keeping dialogue tags (he said, she said) to a minimum without omitting them altogether, and to use tags other than “said”, such as “whispered” or “shouted” very sparingly. But I do include “beats”, bits of action or gestures that reflect or explain the speaker’s mood. I think they break up the dialogue in a realistic way, and keep it lively and moving forward. I do also try to introduce a little light-heartedness where I can, as I feel it helps to bring out the characters’ personalities.
I try to ensure that what my characters say does reflect their likely mindsets, so no inappropriately feminist musings or impossibly anachronistic thinking!
Here’s a short section of dialogue from De Bohun’s Destiny. The speakers are two sisters. One of them clearly has a little problem; the other doesn’t know whether to be shocked or gleeful… (It isn’t going to turn out well…)
Matilda…was crouched over a basin, vomiting. Suddenly there came a light knocking on the door, and Margery called out to her.
‘Are you all right in there, Matilda?’
Matilda groaned. She thought Margery had gone out to the market, although there was no way Matilda was going to be able to keep this from her sister, as the sickness came too often for her to hide.
‘Well enough, thank you, sister,’ she called back. ‘Leave me be.’
And it seemed that Margery had gone back downstairs. But when it happened again the following morning, Margery would not be dismissed. She opened the door of the garderobe and entered.
Matilda thought it served her sister right for interfering, when she saw her gag on the vile smell arising from the basin.
‘Oh, my goodness, Matilda,’ said Margery, ‘what on earth is happening?’
‘Isn’t it obvious? I’m sick.’
‘But why? Something you’ve eaten?’
Matilda brightened a little. ‘Yes, perhaps so.’
Margery nodded, but then she frowned. ‘But hasn’t this been going on for days? And aren’t you only nauseous in the mornings?’
Matilda looked up at her sister, wishing she’d just disappear – down through the hole in the garderobe floor, perhaps, onto the stinking mound of s**t.
But it was clear that Margery had guessed the truth. ‘I wondered why you haven’t washed out any rags the past few weeks.’ She smirked.
‘Don’t tell Pa,’ said Matilda, a slight panic rising in her chest.
‘How will that help you? Do you imagine you can keep your sin and shame from him?’
‘Damn you, Margery, you’re such a prig!’
Margery sniffed. ‘But not a slut. Nor some man’s disgusting whore. Nor a vile sinner.’
De Bohun’s Destiny
How can you uphold a lie when you know it might destroy your family?
It is 1356, seven years since the Black Death ravaged Meonbridge, turning society upside down. Margaret, Lady de Bohun, is horrified when her husband lies about their grandson Dickon’s entitlement to inherit Meonbridge. She knows that Richard lied for the very best of reasons – to safeguard his family and its future – but lying is a sin. Yet she has no option but to maintain her husband’s falsehood...
Margaret’s companion, Matilda Fletcher, decides that the truth about young Dickon’s birth really must be told, if only to Thorkell Boune, the man she’s set her heart on winning. But Matilda’s “honesty” serves only her own interests, and she’s oblivious to the potential for disaster.
For Thorkell won’t scruple to pursue exactly what he wants, by whatever means are necessary, no matter who or what gets in his way…
If you enjoy well-researched, immersive historical fiction, with strong female characterisation and a real sense of authenticity, you’ll love De Bohun’s Destiny, the third Meonbridge Chronicle, set in the mid-14th century, in the turbulent and challenging years that followed the social devastation wrought by the Black Death. Discover for yourself if, in Meonbridge, it is Margaret or Matilda, right or might, truth or falsehood, that wins the day...
CAROLYN HUGHES was born in London, but has lived most of her life in Hampshire. After completing a degree in Classics and English, she started her working life as a computer programmer, in those days a very new profession. But it was when she discovered technical authoring that she knew she had found her vocation. She spent the next few decades writing and editing all sorts of material, some fascinating, some dull, for a wide variety of clients, including an international hotel group, medical instrument manufacturers and the government.
She has written creatively for most of her adult life, but it was not until her children grew up and flew the nest several years ago that writing historical fiction took centre stage in her life. She has a Master’s degree in Creative Writing from Portsmouth University and a PhD from the University of Southampton.
De Bohun’s Destiny is the third novel in the MEONBRIDGE CHRONICLES series. A fourth novel is under way.
You can connect with Carolyn through her website www.carolynhughesauthor.com and social media:
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