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Friday, 7 July 2017

We have Lost the Coffee! #author #guestpost @QuiteFunnyGuy #comedythriller #comedy

Brian a robot from the amazingly funny book We Lost the Coffee was wandering the streets. WWBB took him in, dusted him off and well... read for yourself!


Brian the auto-tech

Greetings, human. My name is Brian. I am an auto-tech from the year 2044. I fix malfunctioning Tech in Buckingham Palace: e-terminals, bleepers, digi-pens and pads, waste disposal chutes and various other things that you humans don’t seem capable of using for five minutes without breaking, damaging or smashing into a million pieces.


Brian had a starring role in book one of the ‘We Have Lost’ series, We Have Lost The President, and appeared on the e-book’s cover. After publication, I kept getting stopped by other robots – automated doughnut dispensers and coffee machines, mainly – and asked if my fame was affecting my job. ‘Not really,’ is the unremarkable answer Brian always gave them. Although one or two of the other auto-techs give me some funny bleeps sometimes. They’re probably just jealous.

Brian also appeared in book two, We Have Lost The Pelicans, which raised my profile even further among the robot community. I suspect that my creator, Paul Mathews, incorrectly concluded that all the fame was going to my metallic head, because I have more of a cameo role in We Have Lost The Coffee. I have a short encounter with the book’s main character. He keeps insisting I call him ‘Howie’, but that is not his real name. He is, and always has been, a Howard. You humans are curious creatures. I don’t go around asking to be called ‘Bri’. So don’t expect me to call you ‘Howie’ when you’re name is ‘Howard’. If I could sigh heavily right now, I would. But I can’t. So you’ll just have to use your limited human imaginations.

In case you’re not up to speed with advanced robotics in the 2040s, let me explain what happens when I meet a human. The routine is always the same. I fire a laser into your eye, so I can identify you. It is a split-second procedure. But a distinctly dazzling one. This can result in a lot of grumbling from the human with whom I am interacting. But Brian has a job to do. And I can’t have unauthorised humans running all over the place. The authorised ones make my life difficult enough.

Brian Author Paul Mathews
I’m already in discussions with Mr Mathews regarding an appearance in book four, We Have Lost The Chihuahuas. I’m not really a dog lover. But Brian is prepared to make sacrifices to maintain his profile. Even if it means getting dog hair in his diodes.

Enjoy the books. If you don’t, I think you’ll find there’s probably something wrong with your comedy circuitry.

Brian has to go now. A human has caused another problem. If only the world was full of robots – it would make my life a lot easier.




Introducing...
WE HAVE LOST THE COFFEE

London, 2045. Three months into the Coffee Wars and Britain’s caffeine supplies are at critical levels. Brits are drinking even more tea than usual, keeping a stiff upper lip and praying for an end to it all.

A secret Government coffee stockpile could save the day … but then mysteriously disappears
overnight.
One man is asked to unravel the missing-coffee mystery. His name is Pond. Howie Pond. And he’s in desperate need of a triple espresso. Meanwhile, his journalist wife, Britt, is hunting royal fugitive Emma Windsor on the streets of the capital.

Can Howie save the British Republic from caffeine-starved chaos? Will the runaway royal be found? And just what will desperate coffee drinkers do for their next caffeine fix? Find out, in Paul Mathews’ latest comedy-thriller set in the Britain of the future…

'We Have Lost The Coffee' is packed with dry British humour, political satire, dozens of comedy characters and enough coffee jokes to keep you awake all night. It's full of crazy action and adventure in London, and beyond, and is guaranteed to set your pulse racing faster than a quadruple espresso.

So, join Howie, Britt and friends – as well as some enemies – as you travel forward in time to 2040s London.

Wednesday, 21 June 2017

Jan Edwards reveals the secrets for keeping the villains in her stories alive! @Jancoledwards #crimebooks #WW2

Jan Edwards reveals...

Secrets about my writing? Tricky. I have always seen myself as, if you’ll excuse the pun, an open book. Or am I?


Much of my short fiction is crime or horror based and there is a sort of a secret thread that emerges from time to time. Sometimes I like to let the bad guy win or at very least escape more or less intact, and in a few of my short horror stories it's the victim who dies!


We all know that good does not always win even though we might want it to, and allowing evil to triumph in fiction reflects real life, and that's what I like to do in my writing.


The line between light and dark is often more muddy grey marshland in my fiction. Sherlock Holmes allowed the villain to escape justice on many occasions, either because he felt that the crime was committed for the best of reasons or that the consequences of the arrest outweighed the crime itself.


Leaving the enemy to walk is a ruse best used where there are several offenders to choose from. Kill off or capture one (or more) and leave the last to run off into the darkness with murder and revenge in their black hearts...  Sorry, getting carried away.

In my defence, as the writer, I may want to use a particular villain again, which obviously can’t be done once I’ve killed them off. On the other hand –  I do also like destroying them in spectacular fashion.

Decisions, decisions...

Introducing...

Winter Downs

In January of 1940 a small rural community on the Sussex Downs, already preparing for invasion from across the Channel, finds itself deep in the grip of a snowy landscape, with an ice-cold killer on the loose.

Amazon.UK | Amazon.com
Bunch Courtney stumbles upon the body of Jonathan Frampton in a woodland clearing. Is this a case of suicide, or is it murder? Bunch is determined to discover the truth but can she persuade the dour Chief Inspector Wright to take her seriously? 



Monday, 5 June 2017

Short stories are becoming increasingly popular, and this one has 200 packed in one book! @helenkeeling #shorts #flashfiction

Two Hundred Very Short Stories
by
Helen Keeling-Marston

Two Hundred Very Short Stories is a collection of stories each so short that the reader can start … and finish … a whole one in one night – some even in a minute!

Recognising that many people don’t have enough time for regular reading – and thus can easily lose the thread of a novel – Helen Keeling-Marston set about writing a collection of short stories.
Amazon

Two Hundred Very Short Stories – Helen’s first book – features an eclectic mix of short stories and flash fiction: flash fiction being works of extreme brevity. Similar to a musical mix tape, the collection of stories aims to elicit a range of different emotions from the reader: joy, sadness, amusement, befuddlement, intrigue and fear.

Be warned, however, that you’ll need to have your wits about you when reading this book, as Two Hundred Very Short Stories isn’t always a passive experience!
~
A story from Two Hundred Very Short Stories to whet the appetite.

Cynicism kills magic and so, whilst the children all knew that I existed, their parents didn’t. And so the parents would pretend to be me. But they never did it very well.

Nine-year-old Flora carefully placed the molar underneath her pillow and then quickly fell asleep. A couple of hours later, her father crept into her room, lifted her pillow and exchanged the tooth for a pound coin. As he left her room and closed her door, I flew in, took the pound coin and swapped it for a piece of enchanted plastic that would glow for a good few hours.

When Flora woke up the next morning, she peeled back her pillow and gasped when she saw the glowing disc. She took it to her money box and posted it through the slit.

“Did the tooth fairy leave you anything?” asked Flora’s mum, as they all sat down to breakfast that morning.

“She did,” said Flora, her eyes glowing like the disc. “She left me a coin that sparkled with fairy dust.”

As Flora’s parents exchanged bemused, cynical glances, I counted how much money I’d made that evening.

I never said that magic had to be used for good.
  ~
About the author:

By day, Helen Keeling-Marston plays with numbers and, by night, she likes to like to flex her creative muscle and write stories and make music. When not having fun with numbers, words and musical notes, she is the voluntary founder and director of a sports charity; sport being the other big passion in her life.

Check her out!



Friday, 2 June 2017

While Britain is preparing for #war in 1940, a small community is rocked by a grisly #murder by @Jancoledwards writer of #crime


Winter Downs
Jan Edwards


3rd June 2017 | Penkhull Press
ISBN 978-0-9930008-6-7
Paperback £10.99 tbc | ebook £2.99 tbc


In January of 1940 a small rural community on the Sussex Downs, already preparing for invasion from across the Channel, finds itself deep in the grip of a snowy landscape, with an ice-cold killer on the loose.
Bunch Courtney stumbles upon the body of Jonathan Frampton in a woodland clearing. Is this a case of suicide, or is it murder? Bunch is determined to discover the truth but can she persuade the dour Chief Inspector Wright to take her seriously? 


Winter Downs is first in the Bunch Courtney Investigates series. Published in paper and e formats.



Jan Edwards is a Sussex-born writer now living in the West Midlands with her husband and obligatory cats. She was a Master Locksmith for 20 years but also tried her hand at bookselling, microfiche photography, livery stable work, motorcycle sales and market gardening. She is a practising Reiki Master. She won a Winchester Slim Volume prize and her short fiction can be found in crime, horror and fantasy anthologies in UK, US and Europe; including The Mammoth Book of Dracula and The Mammoth Book of Moriarty. Jan edits anthologies for The Alchemy Press and Fox Spirit Press, and has written for Dr Who spinoffs with Reel Time Pictures. 

For further information please contact Penkhull Press at: https://thepenkhullpress.wordpress.com/
Jan is available for Q&A s and interviews. Follow the links to the Q&A page if time is pressing and you can just pick a few questions that appeal to you or get in touch at the links below.
Follow the tour!


Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Author of The Smartest Girl in the Room reveals her secret #YAlit #newadult #college #Multicultural #Interracial @dnkboston


Author secret by Deborah Nam-Krane...
I am a Marie Kondo freak!
I read the Life Changing Magic of Tidying when I was in Italy (because seeing a gorgeous country is overrated, amirite?) and then when I got home after not getting any sleep for about twenty-five hours I started tidying immediately.
By the next day I'd thrown out bags of garbage I'd been keeping for almost two decades. By the next weekend my room, kitchen, bathroom and living room were transformed because of what I threw away.
Now if only I could convince my daughters to tidy too...


The Smartest Girl In The Room
Book One in The New Pioneers series

Nineteen year old Emily wants her college diploma fast, and she's going to get it. But when the perfect night with perfect Mitch leads her to a broken heart, Emily is blind to her vulnerability.

Amazon

When the person she cares about the most is hurt as a result, Emily's ambition gives way to more than a little ruthlessness.
She's going to use her smarts to take care of herself and protect the people she loves, and everyone else had better stay out of her way.
But shouldn't the smartest girl everyone knows realize that the ones she'd cross the line for would do the same for her?

Sunday, 21 May 2017

Book Sale! 'She wanted a vacation, instead she was fighting for her life!' #thriller #suspense @lynnthompson8 #99cents

Blake
Montana can sense danger, but can she find it in time...

by

Lynn Thompson 


If Montana had known what she would be confronting that night, she never would have sedated Max.

Lottery winner and venture capitalist Montana Dayton is on vacation, sorely needing a break from her business. She purposely had a house built deep in the mountains, away from civilization in hopes to spend the winter alone with her dog Killer.
Amazon.UK | Amazon.com

Unfortunately, the universe is conspiring against her. Montana’s getting creepy feelings from something or someone on her property and Rose, her neighbor, is bringing new “friends” into her life.

If that wasn’t enough to ruin Montana’s vacation, the dangerously attractive Max surely would! Max has the uncanny ability to show up when he’s not wanted. What Montana doesn’t realize is Max knows what’s out in the woods and it’s his job to find it.

Max knows Montana can sense it even though she cannot see it and has decided that she needs to be protected from the unseen danger, but who will protect Montana from Max?

Tuesday, 16 May 2017

Confessions of a writer by @julieryan18 #suspence #romance

Julie Ryan confesses her secret...

Confession time -

Many years ago when I was living in France I met a nice young man who invited me out the following evening. Now, bear in mind that I'm not good with faces and it was dark... a car pulled up and I jumped in only to find it was a total stranger.

He was puzzled to say the least by this strange English girl who had appeared from nowhere but kindly offered to drive me to wherever I was going.

If this were a novel we'd have driven off into the sunset but I was so flummoxed and apologised profusely in bad French before jumping out of the car and going home.

I never did find out if the original date ever turned up but I suspect not!!!

Jenna's Journey
A Greek Island Mystery Book 1
Heading to the Greek Isles without telling husband or friends is heady medicine for a failing marriage. Seduced by Grecian sun and sky, Jenna innocently obtains an ancient urn that tangles her into a web of a criminal world more sinister then she could ever have imagined. Romance is always afoot in the Greek Isles and Jenna gets a large helping with the seductive Nikos.

Amazon

Twenty-five years later, Allie takes this same journey in a story that spans 25 years and intertwines the lives of mother and daughter. Twisty as the streets in a Greek island village, full of unexpected characters and threatening villains, Jenna's Journey will keep you turning pages far into the night.

Tuesday, 9 May 2017

Check out this #illustrated children's book! Unicorns, magic and evil sorcerers, oh my! #childrensbooks #unicorns

The Blue Unicorn's Journey To Osm
Illustrated Book: Full Color Illustrations
by

“The metal horned unicorns are doomed!”
That’s what Lauda Lead Horn wailed when she first saw the tribe’s new savior. OK, so his horn was not metal... and he did not have a magic power... and he was really a puny little runt. But doomed? 
Were things really that bad?
Well, things were pretty bad in the land of MarBryn. Magh, an evil sorcerer utilized unicorn horns and hooves to create his magical potions and spells and to increase his power and to conquer everyone in his path.
All of the unicorns from the Tribe of the Metal Horn were now gone... except for twelve survivors.
Amazon | Goodreads
Before the blue unicorn was born, Numen told Alumna, the aluminum-horned oracle, that he had a plan to bring the tribe back home to Unimaise. His prophecy was, “Only the blue unicorn can join with the Moon-Star. Until then, no new unicorns will be born.”
Blue was the last unicorn born. Twenty years later, his horn was still covered with a plain blue colored hide. There was not a glint of metal to be seen on it or his hooves. And he still didn’t have any magic. But he was no longer scrawny and he had his wits.
Although no one else in the tribe thought he had a chance, Blue felt ready to make Magh pay for his evil deeds. And he went off to do it alone.
That was Blue’s first mistake.
If the entire tribe was not standing horn-tip to horn-tip at the proper time and in the exact place to help usher the Moon-Star Spirit into Blue’s horn, he would die.
Then, the rest of the tribe would really be doomed.



Readers will follow along two journey paths in this book. Blue is joined in his travels by his mentor Gaiso, the Stag and his friend, Girasol the Firebird as they try to find their way across a danger-filled MarBryn to Muzika Woods. The rest of Blue’s tribe is forced to follow another route due to Nix Nickle Horn’s unfortunate incident with a Manticore. Nix, the great unicorn defender must safely lead the way for Ghel, the Golden-Horned unicorn; Silubhra Silver Horn; Cornum the Brass-Horned unicorn; Steel Horned Style; Cuprum the Copper-Horned unicorn; Tin-Horned Tinam; Dr. Zinko; Iown the Iron-Horned unicorn and the others in an action packed adventure to their destination in Muzika Woods. Both journey paths converge there in the Nebulium Circle.

This chapter book is a collector's dream containing page after page of lavish artwork. It contains nearly 100 pages of story text by Sybrina Durant and the same number of pages of magnificent water-color illustrations by Dasguptarts. This book, written by Sybrina Durant and illustrated by Dasguptarts, offers readers a visual feast of over forty beautiful water-color pictures that each span two pages. Forty-two - easy to digest two-page chapters are chock full of adventurous and entertaining morsels. This illustrated book will become a favorite of teen and older fantasy readers.  A companion coloring/ character description book is also available at any online bookstore.
  


Friday, 5 May 2017

Author Secrets! Confessions of a romance writer by @FaithMortimer #authorconfessions


Faith Mortimer reveals her confession... 
'I have a dreadful confession of which I am ashamed of now due to possible later ramifications...
When I was young and shameless, working for a large travel company, there was one male who preyed on women for one night sex stands. We girls were heartily sick of him despite his good looks and charming lies...worse of all he was married.
At one work do it was my turn to catch his eye. I let him smooch over me on the dance floor, and without him knowing I planted a perfect deep red rosebud lipstick kiss on his pristine dress shirt collar.
When he was told by a friend later he went berserk and left the dinner dance. I felt satisfied until later when I wondered about his wife and how she'd discover it. I only hope he changed his pathetic, horrible ways.'
A Very Distant Affair

A new novel of women's literature from international bestselling author Faith Mortimer.


Cheryl Taylor, a landscape artist appears to have it all. Apart from fame and fortune, her attentive husband Daniel is brilliant at managing her business matters. Cheryl has allowed him full rule of her affairs from the day they were married…but twenty years later, she wonders whether she shouldn’t be quite so naive. Daniel is controlling and as she learns from one friend during an intimate conversation. “Diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend you know. They are a man’s best friend. They’re great at getting men off the hook, and keeping their women quiet.”

Feeling uncomfortable and troubled over her friend’s warning, Cheryl decides there is more to life than being successful and at the beck and call of a manipulative husband. She sets out to find what she really wants from life, and to her horror, discovers one earth-shattering secret after the next.
Website: Faith Mortimer

Amazon UK | Amazon. com


Do you have a 'writing confession'? Click HERE for more details.

Thursday, 27 April 2017

For authors only: want book sales? Have you thought of writing a guest post? #bloggers #bookpromo #wip

Here's an author secret for you: I'm cruel to my characters!

I can't help it, but it's true. I'm evil!

I start off loving my characters, their flaws, hopes, dreams and their entire journey. As their creator I know them inside out, but after a while they get me down. In short, by the end of the rewrites and edits, and more rewrites and edits, and reading the same scene and/or dialogue over and over, and over and over some more I'm more than fed up with them. So much so I have to seek my revenge!

So, I write alternate endings to my otherwise happy ever afters and KILL my characters!

But I can't be the only one to do this? So someone please tell me that they also write alternative endings for their beloved characters!

Mine have a grisly death each time. I suppose it's a type of therapy that allows me to move on to my next book and new characters; a type of closure.

It works for me, anyway.

If anyone wants to reveal their author secret/s here on this blog like the one above (send me your book link/details in return for a byline) for WWBB's JUNE theme: Authors' Secrets.


A time-travel romance - Wide Awake Asleep

Sci-fi Romance - Eden (book 1) |
Hunted (book 2)





Sunday, 16 April 2017

This is The Devil Wears Prada clashing with Bridget Jones.. and it's only #99cents! #literature #fiction #booksale #Bookshelf

Oh no, I've Fallen in Love!

Depression is a curse; a taboo illness which Valerie Anthrope has suffered with for most of her life.
And so far, her way of dealing with it is to hide it, which means no friends. Ever. She works hard at keeping all acquaintances at arms’ length, and has thrown herself into building her financial brokerage business. Happiness to Valerie is a successful mortgage deal.

Ellen Semple is happy-go-lucky. Her world is all-dancing and all-singing fun. She’s Valerie’s new employee.

Lex Kendal is Valerie’s client. He wants to screw Valerie.

This is the story of a depressive woman changing the views of two egotistical people, and in turn, Valerie comes to realise that these selfish people are the ones who can help her—if she dares to open up to them.
A story of true friendship.
A story about the power of love.
A story of how one women gained the strength to fight her depression.
Oh no, I’ve Fallen in Love! came second in the eFestival of Words Best Independent eBook Awards 2013. Oh no, I’ve Fallen in Love! is told through the eyes of Valerie Anthrope and Lex Kendal in varying chapters—‘a unique way of storytelling.'

Click below to purchase

Extract from Oh no, I've Fallen in Love!

I smiled, but found I couldn’t hold his gaze. I had never teased anyone before, but that’s exactly what I had been doing. And he’d returned it. Our easy bantering was happening as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

I opened my diary, and pretended to look through it. ‘I’ve a lot to do this morning, Mr Kendal. You really should have phoned for an appointment.’ He perched himself on the spare desk, leaving a long leg swinging down.

‘I’m here to make one.’

‘Oh.’

‘I want to make an appointment to take you out to dinner. Shall we say Saturday night?’

‘This Saturday?’

‘This Saturday, yes. That’s the day after Friday, and the day before Sunday.’

A tingle of excitement was bubbling up inside my stomach. It was only a dinner date, I told myself. I could keep him at arm’s length, just like everyone else, no problem. Except he wasn’t like any man I’d met before. He seemed to revel in my sharp comments and caustic sarcasm.

A bang from the outer door told me my staff had arrived back from lunch. I cleared my throat, and made an effort to look in control.

‘Yes, that would be lovely.’

The arrogant bastard grinned, telling me that’s what he expected me to say.  I remembered reading about the kiss-and-tell that his ex-wife leaked to the papers, which backfired on her and made him famous. It was all about how she couldn’t compete with his affairs and was filing for a divorce after fifteen years. She then demanded a hefty settlement and posed topless.

‘Good. There’s a new fish restaurant just opened along the Thames that I thought we could try. Or is there anything else you fancy? Apart from me,’ he added with a wider grin.

He’s such a jerk, I thought. But a sexy jerk. A flutter of appreciation feathered my spine as I took in his broad shoulders and imagined myself in his arms again.  But did I want to be another notch on his bedpost – hell, I was a modern woman – he could be a notch on mine!

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

A children's story for adults (not for the faint-hearted!) by @roberteggleton1 #childabuse #scifi #literary

Rarity from the Hollow

by

Robert Eggleton

Lacy Dawn's father relives the Gulf War, her mother's teeth are rotting out, and her best friend is murdered by the meanest daddy on Earth.

Life in the hollow is hard.

She has one advantage -- an android was inserted into her life and is working with her to cure her parents. But, he wants something in exchange. It's up to her to save the Universe.

Lacy Dawn doesn't mind saving the universe, but her family and friends come first.


Rarity from the Hollow is adult literary science fiction filled with tragedy, comedy and satire. A Children's Story. For Adults.

“The most enjoyable science fiction novel I have read in years.”
Temple Emmet Williams, Author, former editor for Reader’s Digest


“Quirky, profane, disturbing… In the space between a few lines we go from hardscrabble realism to pure sci-fi/fantasy. It’s quite a trip.”
    Evelyn Somers, The Missouri Review

. "…a hillbilly version of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy…what I would have thought impossible; taken serious subjects like poverty, ignorance, abuse…tongue-in-cheek humor without trivializing them…profound…a funny book that most sci-fi fans will thoroughly enjoy." -- Awesome Indies (Gold Medal)

“…sneaks up you and, before you know it, you are either laughing like crazy or crying in despair, but the one thing you won’t be is unmoved…a brilliant writer.” --Readers’ Favorite (Gold Medal)

“Rarity from the Hollow is an original and interesting story of a backwoods girl who saves the Universe in her fashion. Not for the prudish.” —Piers Anthony, New York Times bestselling author

“…Good satire is hard to find and science fiction satire is even harder to find.” -- The Baryon Review

Comfort Zones: Please note that there is a mention of a child having been murdered in this novel, by the meanest daddy on Earth. However, there is no scene and she plays a comical and annoying ghost most of the story. Here's a finding by Awesome Indies about the first edition to help you decide if this novel is too far outside of your comfort zone: “a hillbilly version of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, only instead of the earth being destroyed to make way for a hyperspace bypass, Lacy Dawn must…The author has managed to do what I would have thought impossible; taken serious subjects like poverty, ignorance, abuse, and written about them with tongue-in-cheek humor without trivializing them…Eggleton sucks you into the Hollow, dunks you in the creek, rolls you in the mud, and splays you in the sun to dry off. Tucked between the folds of humor are some profound observations on human nature and modern society that you have to read to appreciate…it’s a funny book that most sci-fi fans will thoroughly enjoy.” http://awesomeindies.net/ai-approved-review-of-rarity-from-the-holly-by-robert-eggleton/ The early tragedy feeds and amplifies subsequent comedy and satire.

Robert Eggleton is a retired children’s psychotherapist. Rarity from the Hollow is his debut novel and is preceded by publication of three short Lacy Dawn Adventures in magazines. Half of author proceeds are donated to a child abuse prevention program operated by Children’s Home Society of West Virginia. http://www.childhswv.org/


In his own words: 'I recently retired after 52 years of contributions into the U.S. Social Security fund so that I could write and promote my fiction. I’m a former mental health psychotherapist in West Virginia. After coming home drained from working with child abuse victims, I didn't have the energy left to begin self-promotion of this project. Most of the successes listed above have been achieved in the last fifteen months following my retirement.'



Author proceeds have been donated to a child abuse prevention program in West Virginia http://www.childhswv.org/ A listing of services that are supported can be found here: http://mountainrhinestones.blogspot.com/2015/06/review-giveaway-rarity-from-hollow-by.html. 



Supporting Information


Purchase links:

Public Author Contacts:


Excerpt of Chapter Nine: “Lacy Dawn Goes To the Movies”

Scene Prologue: Lacy Dawn, the eleven year old protagonist, is a most unlikely savior of the universe. An android named DotCom (a recurring pun in the story) was sent to Earth to recruit and train Lacy Dawn to fulfill her destiny. He lives in a spaceship in a cave behind her house. The following scene is one of her early a training sessions. 
“…Finally, there’s a little action in this movie,” Lacy Dawn said.   
            The focus zoomed toward a green circle…. Jungle sounds filled the ship, dense vegetation filled the screen, and, a zoom again….     
            "What the heck is that?" she asked.
            "It’s a recording error. Please watch the video," DotCom said.
            An image of a square piece of land surrounded by water appeared…a group of hairy bipeds. One animal tilled the ground with its tusk.  Irrigation ditches watered a garden….  A large pyramid-shaped structure appeared on the monitor’s top edge.             
            "This is pretty cool," Lacy Dawn said.
            “Photosynthesis occurred on Earth 3.4 billion years ago.  It thereby permitted ocean animals to evolve 600 million years ago. Plants conquered land 400 million years ago. This led to vertebrates on land 380 million years ago. It all occurred on your planet before our technicians had invented field recording equipment….”
            “You said ‘ago’ too many times. Just be quiet. This movie's getting good now and I don’t need the chatter.”          
            The angle changed…. The pyramid got closer with each step. There were several close-up shots of beings.
            Are those animals or people? 
            “It’s you!” she screamed to DotCom.
            It was an accidental close up of a crotch. There were no genitals. DotCom did not confirm or deny her exclamation. The camera continued to move toward the pyramid:  females with hairy breasts exposed, young eating berries, and larger, more erect males chasing a deer-like animal. They caught it and ripped it apart on the spot.  The entrance of the triangular structure could be seen in the background. 
            “This movie is cool,” she said.
            The pyramid was made of wooden poles tied with vines and covered with large leaves…. The glow of a fire could be seen but there was no smoke. Individuals and small groups entered and exited the structure.  One group looked like the hunters…. They carried meat and animal parts into the pyramid.
            “Daddy got an eight-point buck last year. He sold the head to Harold for ten dollars. We still have some of it in the freezer….”
            Inside the pyramid, small groups sat together. Humanoids came and went. There were several floors connected by pole ladders and all spaces were occupied. It was very noisy. The space teemed with grunts and groans.     
            "Turn the volume down a little. That vine's still alive. It's been trained to wrap around the joints just like Mommy's pole beans. They're ready to pick.”
            “Correct,” DotCom said.
            “And it don't just grow on the outside. It grows on the inside too. That pyramid is one huge green bean casserole.”
            “Correct.”
            People were gathered around a rectangular box that glowed orange in the center of a dirt floor. The tallest people stood the closest to the box. One person was at least a foot taller than all the others….  
            The next scene was a close-up of the box. Between males with hairy legs and butts and other private parts -- big private parts -- Lacy Dawn saw a smooth surface…. Data flashed at the bottom of the screen. On top of the box, pieces of meat cooked beside large green beans. Water steamed and spit over the mess.
            “It’s a cook stove. But, that’s impossible. There ain't no fire or smoke and it can't be no electric stove like Mommy wants. There's no electric back then. This is a made up story.  It has to be.”
            “The stove was a trade from my planet,” DotCom said.
            “For what?” she asked.
            “You,” he said….
            The next scene introduced a very small biped that held out a large bean leaf toward a much larger biped standing by the stove. Larger kicked Smaller to the ground.  Smaller got up. Blood ran from her nose. She went back to Larger, extended the leaf, and was again kicked to the ground. It looked like a much harder kick than the first.  Smaller got up again and re-extended the empty leaf. Larger slammed his fist down on the top of Smaller’s head. She fell.
            “That had to hurt bad,” Lacy Dawn said
            “You should know, Lacy Dawn,” DotCom…. 
            Smaller got up, wobbled to Larger, and extended her leaf with unsteady arms.  Larger ignored Smaller until she tapped him on the calf with her foot. Larger showed Smaller his sharp teeth, turned to the stove, and picked up two handfuls of meat and beans.  He placed the food on the leaf extended by Smaller. Smaller nodded to Larger and stumbled backward away from the stove.
            “Big Mac time,” Lacy Dawn said.
            The camera followed Smaller. She staggered and dodged her way to a small group of bipeds that squatted several yards from the stove.  Smaller handed the leaf, now rolled around the food, to an adult female. The adult distributed pieces to others in the group.
            “The smaller is you, Lacy Dawn,” DotCom said. 
            The picture faded.



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