Great Expectations

by
Lizzie Lamb

When I was writing Tall, Dark and Kilted I wanted to make brooding hero Ruairi Urquhart, revise his opinion of heroine Fliss Bagshawe. I hit upon having Fliss deliver a baby during a storm which had prevented the local doctor from getting through. However, never having given birth, I wondered where I could gain the necessary expertise to write a convincing scene? Cue fellow New Romantic 4 and mother of five, June Kearns.

Me: June, do you think one needs to have a baby in order to write convincingly about giving birth?

June: I’d say, yes. But, seeing as your deadline is approaching and gestation takes nine months, you’re cutting it a bit fine . . .

Me (muttering) At least she didn’t mention my age.

June: Added to which, neither biology nor anno domini are on your side. So you’re going to have to rely in t’internet, or consult an experienced mother. (coughs to draw attention back to herself)

Me: Like you.

June: Ex -actly. Fire away.

Me: Does it hurt?

June: On a scale of one to five?

Me: Yes.

June: Imagine trying to push a turkey through your nostril, double the pain and you get the idea.  

Me: (paling) What equipment should my heroine gather together - towels, hot water?

June (briskly) : Rubber sheet, blanket, disposable gloves, scissors (sterilised in a saucepan of water) string - ditto - hand washing equipment, disposable gloves, apron, electric kettles for boiling more water, cotton wool, sanitary towels, black bin liners, a pillow covered with an old towel. Oh, and - a bottle of whisky and several glasses. 
Me: (incredulously) Is it safe to give the mother whisky so soon after giving birth?

June: The whisky’s for your heroine. She’s going to need it, take it from me, there’s the afterbirth to deal with and . . . Hey, where are you going. I haven’t finished giving you all the gory details. 
Me: To think about a new plot line! Maybe a missing dog will work . . .

In the end, the scene was written using my imagination and information I culled from the internet. I really loved writing that scene because it shows my hero’s caring side and my heroine’s steadfastness.  

But the story doesn’t end there.

I received a lovely email from a retired midwife who’d read Tall Dark and Kilted and wanted to know where I’d undertaken my midwifery training. Apparently, she was impressed that my heroine knew not to cut the umbilical cord until it had stopped pulsing (roughly about 10 mins after birth) Sadly, I had to dissolution her but we have since become Facebook friends. 

Introducing...