Never interview a comedy writer and expect serious answers!

Boring Author Interviews Revisited

by 

Craig Zerf

 
What’s so great about your crap book? (Don't want the boring details, a couple of lines is suffice!)
It’s shorter than the bible, cheaper than the Mona Lisa and funnier than the plague. 

What do you really think about erotica? Is it the low of the lows for writers?
I believe that perversion is simply another art form, albeit stickier than most. Surely no writer can sink lower than copywriting for a multinational?

Amazon.com | Amazon.UK

You're (so far) the second to say that in these interviews, and it's not something I've thought about until now, but I think you're right.

If you didn’t have your book professionally edited: What made you think you’re so perfect that you didn’t need to pay a professional?

Paid a pro!

Yawn, so basically you're the same as all the rest of the authors on Amazon and you’re the Next Best Thing. I don’t think so. Come on, tell me why should I spend time reading YOUR book over more well-received authors?

Unlike most books available on Amazon – mine has been completely re-mastered in full 2D. It contains a cast of thousands and no expense has been spared. Must have done something right as it was voted Best Read by BBC Radio 4!

Is there an author who inspires (perspires) you? Do you think you write better than them?
Is your aim to out-sell them?
Richard Bach…he wrote Jonathan Livingstone Seagull back in the 70’s. I mean…it’s like 10 pages long and it sold over 40 million copies. Genius – lazy and wealthy. I’d love to outsell him.

In the writing world, have you ever regretted anything i.e written your own review (or written a bad review on a competitor's novel), argued on-line, copied someone else's idea?

Pretended that I was R.R. Martin at a recent book fair. Wasn’t a problem until he actually arrived.
OMG! Bet that was awkward.

What qualifications do you have for writing in your genre? Many authors use their qualifications to show off their so-called talents i.e. crime writers are often coppers (police, for the non-Brits present) and the book becomes boringly technical. How have you managed to keep your knowledge low key? Or haven’t you bothered?

I drink whisky well. Very well. In fact, some would say that I have a gift. This can be seen in most of my writing…do I see that as showing off? No, probably not.

If I were to read your book would I have to scroll through lots of acknowledgements saying how wonderful your book is before I got to the meat of a story?
I put all the acknowledgements at the back where they should be.

What part of the world do you come from? What do you think of your government?
Originally from South Africa but now I live in England. It is no secret that the South African government both blows and sucks mightily.

If your book is set outside England would I understand your jargon? I mean, fanny means lady front parts NOT backside, car hood is a car bonnet--everyone knows that, right? Are British Englishisms/Americanisms/Australianisms etc important in your book? It's all about identity, isn't it?

My books are set both in a mystical middle-earth type environment as well as current day earth. I make liberal use of Englishisms/Americanisms/Australianisms/Malopropisms and even solipsisms (although not so much of that last one).

Why that shitty title? Did you run out of ideas?
I built the title first and then I knew that the story would follow.
Your titles are, er, interesting. Plob? Really? I blame the whiskey.

If you were me (you know, perfect) and knew nothing about a person and you were told to interview them, what’s the one question you would ask? (answer it).
Q: If cloning were possible, how many versions of me would you invite to your perfect dinner party?

A: Huh?
Two. Then I'd pour a single whiskey, hand you both two loaded guns and leave the room, locking the door on the way out. You'd be sure to shoot one another to get to the whiskey. Perfect.

How long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)? If it took under a year to write: It didn’t take you long to write so does that mean it is poorly researched, edited and written on a whim? If it took over a year to write: Does that mean this book is boringly long and laborious to read?
Writing started on my book many, many years before I was even born. Some might consider this over-researched…others may simply view it as an example of Divine Providence.
You began in the womb. Now, that's talent!

Do you have any bad habits, or stupid rituals you HAVE to do in order to write?

When opening my first bottle of the day I always throw away the top. This prevents me from wimping out and drinking anything less than necessary.
Ingenious!

Authors are usually labelled as ‘dreamers’ and ‘loners’. Have you been labelled as such? And what implications do you think that has on a writer?
Mark Twain once said, “Be good and you will be lonely.”

I am never good – thus, I am never lonely.

What do you think of social media (pick one answer):
1. Somewhere to advertise my book.
2. Somewhere to interact with other writers.
3. Somewhere to find information.
4. All of the above.
1, 2 and 3…but never 4.
 

Does ‘being a writer’ make you feel like an outsider with normal, everyday people such as your family and friends?

My family do not know that I am a writer. I tell them that I play the piano in a ‘House of ill repute.’ As for friends…well, I make up new ones every day.

Describe your perfect death (in case I have to kill you)?

I am happy with any death…as long as it doesn’t involve a ferret, a tub of axel grease and four pounds of English cheddar.

Give me the first, middle and end line in your book.

1. Plob
2. Horgy stood up in front of the gathering. ‘Good people, I give you, Munge and Peasants Vegetable Industries.’
3. With a stomach that felt full of lead and a heart that flopped in his chest like a stranded goldfish, Plob lurched nervously on down to meet with Death.

Craig Zerf, sober? No? Thought not...

Minor Characters: Big Humor in Small Packages

by

Jayne Denker

I write romantic comedies—emphasis on the comedy part. I suppose I’d be able to write angst-filled dramas if I really tried, but I’ve always believed that if I’m going to spend many months crafting a decent story, and have a whole mess of characters taking up residence in my head, I might as well be laughing the entire time.

However, there’s one thing I’ve learned: The main character can’t have too much of the cray-cray. The reader is in that person’s head and expects to sympathize with her or him. If the main character is too weird, it alienates the reader.

So I reserve the highest level of insanity for the peripheral players. They can be there for pure comic relief, or they can play integral parts in the plot, or both, but whichever role you set for them, you—and they—have the freedom to make them as bizarro as you like, with fewer consequences.

I had a lot of fun writing my second book, Unscripted, about Faith Sinclair, a high-powered TV producer who gets fired from her own show. She’s fun, and crazy in her own way, but the people surrounding her are really off the rails—just the way I like it. She has a freeloading stepbrother, a domineering movie producer mother who will only drink “pure glacier water” (which Faith notes probably has mammoth poop in it), and Randy Barstow (also known as Randy Bastard), the sexist head of the TV network who swears so much he turns the air around him blue. Oh—and there’s Bea, a grouch of a studio gate guard who hates Faith on principle, a few air-headed actors whom Faith has to shepherd like wayward children, and others populating the story.

How to mix comedy into your writing

by 

Alison Morton

Why do we laugh, giggle or grin? Or even give a little smile?

Perhaps it’s nervous relief we’re not in the other person’s dilemma and feeling their pain or maybe an instinctive reaction to being in an awkward situation ourselves. Sociologists, linguists and biologists say that our ability to laugh and desire to do so isn’t all fun and games, but actually serves two essential life functions: to bond with members of our “tribe,” and to lessen tension and anxiety. And let’s not discount wishing to look clever or impress somebody or to look like part of the cool crowd.

Unlike stand-up comedy, written humour is often subtle. Some may smile, but most people don’t laugh out loud when they’re reading. A stand-up comic has a huge advantage over writers; a comic can incorporate facial expressions, body language, gestures, and vocal inflections to reinforce their delivery. Writers only have wit, words, and the rhythm of the language. But if well-written, humour enhances how much we like what we’re reading and how well we remember it afterwards.

So how can writers do this?

Juxtaposition - Dragons getting smashed out of their minds and flying with a hangover the next morning, the tarty-looking girl speaking with an upper crust accent, a trucker quoting Hamlet.

Timing – As important on the written page as in stand-up. Don’t let the joke, witty remark fall into the scene until the end; string it out as long as you dare, but don’t let it lose its snappiness. Remember how effective punch lines are. And try to arrange the sentence so that the funny word or phrase falls at the end. If it’s the last thing readers see, a funny sounding word strengthens the memory of the joke in their mind.

Characterisation - Remember your characters are real people and why people use comedy in real life. This will round out your characters, make them far more human and let the reader connect with them more easily. Nobody likes poker-faced, hundred per cent driven and serious people – they’re rather boring…

Appropriateness and tone – Is your story the place for dry humour, wittiness, exaggeration, euphemism, understatement, knockabout, sarcasm or misdirected dialogue? Decide on the comic tone appropriate to your characters and, importantly, to your reading audience.

Integration – Weave the humour into the dialogue, speech tags, description and thoughts. Make it reveal something about the characters or push the story forward. These four lines immediately build an impression of the characters and their relationship, then lead to the next scene with anticipation of danger.

Crafty bastard. I gave him a dirty look. Lurio would never let me forget it if I gave in now. I also wanted to have the edge over Conrad.

‘You know full well I’ll do it,’ I grumped. ‘Just don’t get me killed.’

Lurio laughed. I smiled back in a sour way.

(Extract from INCEPTIO)

Avoiding author interference - Let the characters and situations be funny, don't try and inject ‘funny’ e.g. ‘he laughed uproariously’. Use reaction in others as one of the main reflectors of the humour, e.g. how a wittier person reacts to the words of somebody suffering from a humour bypass, such as Lizzie’s reaction to Mr Collins in Pride and Prejudice.