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Saturday, 19 November 2011

I can't perform in the sexual department.


There. I’ve said it. Before I’m sent loads of porn-site links to “better” myself can I add that I’m talking about writing sex scenes? 

I find it very hard to write a sex scene and almost always have my characters kissing one minute then lighting a cigarette the next! 

My scenes seem silly when I read them back, and I end up giggling hysterically at them. When I’ve recovered enough I reread only, this time, I'm cringing with embarrassment!

I stink at writing sex scenes.

There is a sex scene in A Proper Charlie but I wrote that mainly for laughs not just for romance. Romance and sex is so hard to get right. 

Eden is more romantic, and I admit I cut the sex scenes because they just didn't seem right. There are only so many ways you can write about kissing, caressing and getting naked!

With The Fall of the Misanthrope: I bitch, therefore I am  I have many cut sex scenes on my, er, hard drive that didn't make the final book. Some were too explicit (for a chick lit), others felt plain daft while some ended up so bizarre I think I'd have been carted off for treatment with a sex therapist!

Suggestive sexy scenes are bloody hard to write! Writers (me anyway) fall into the trap of using cliques and inappropriate names for body parts (cue a list of inappropriate names for parts of the body):

Ladies:  
  • Special flower
  • Pussy
  • Love cave
  • Fanny
  • Front bottom
  • Kebab
  • Coochie
  • Lady garden
  • Silken/velvet nest/folds
  • Gash
  • Bearded clam
  • C*** (can't even bring myself to type it!)
Men:
  • Third leg
  • Junior and his twin brothers
  • prick
  • Hard appendage
  • Fun stick
  • One eyed monster
  • Dick
  • Dong
  • Love pump/stick/handle
  • Cock
  • Willy (that one has me giggling every time!)
Euphemisms are OK but get it right for goodness sake! What's acceptable are usually words that can be read without laughing (or flinching) ie member, shaft, manhood. For a woman it's: folds, core, heat etc. 

But that's my opinion as a reader, as a writer of erotic fiction I'm certainly no expert!

The fact is, I want to include a bit of how’s-your-father in my books. I want to learn how to write sexy novels! And I'm jealous of those who can!

To write juicy scenes I'm told it's best to delve outside of what you already experience as the norm. People read for escapism, so we must use our creative brain cells to dig deep: break taboos and recreate sexual fantasies that we'd otherwise be too shy to ask our partner about. 

So what are your thoughts on the subject? Can sex scenes in books be well written? 


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