Can I get some
goddamned credit here?
by
The Subconscious mind of Hans M Hirschi
Hans
was super thrilled when he saw Louise’s open invite to blog on her site. He was
particularly thrilled to see that she was looking for something “out there”,
written not by the author, but by a character or… Yeah, no! Ain’t gonna happen.
Not on my watch. Because you know what? Do you know who ends up doing all the
work? Who’s the poor schmuck working overtime at night while Hans sleeps? Who
is the one who needs to get all those bloody characters in line, talk to them to assess
their willingness to assist, see if they have any fun stories to tell or if
they’re even interested? Me! That’s who.
And
you know what? I’ve had it up to here! Yeah, well, no, I can’t
really, because I have no limbs to really point at myself. Sucks, just saying.
I have no limbs, at least, none that I can call my own. They’re all “his.” I sometimes hate the
guy, which is really self-deprecating, given that we sort of hang out a lot.
Okay, we hang out all the time. Twenty-four seven, actually. I’m his brain. I have
no say in the matter.
And
I'll have you know that being Hans’s brain is no walk in the park. The guy is
precious, let's just leave it at that. You know he travels to all these
conventions, completely screwing with my sense of time and putting me through
jet lag, and then he meets all these amazing people, people whose brains I’d
love to meet, you know? Intelligent, witty, so much knowledge buried deep
within the creases of their cortex. But alas, do you think the guy ever lets me
out to play?
No. Of
course not. He does all the talking, and when he makes an ass of himself (which, by the way, happens more
often than you can possibly imagine), he blames me. The audacity! He's got this
thing down about “what’s your name again? I’m really not good with names, but I
always remember a pretty face!” Does anyone fall for this shit anymore? And
when he’s complimented for his writing, which is really mine, to be
honest, he takes all the credit. The guy’s a real piece of work!
In
every book, he acknowledges all the people around him, beautiful humans who
help him polish his work, from his editors to the proofreaders, the amazing
cover artists he's worked with—for Pete’s sake, he even thanks his son, and what
has he ever done to write a book, huh? But the one guy—the one who slaves day
and night over his manuscripts, his stories, negotiates with the characters,
gets them to talk, mulls over the plot and where to take the story next—I don’t even
get a thank you. Not even a birthday card. Ever.
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| Me (the purple important bit) |
Sometimes
he’ll have me write a blog post, and he’ll grudgingly acknowledge just how much
his subconscious contributes. He once even wrote “unconscious” (actually, it
was more than once); I laughed so hard I peed in his spinal fluid. I mean, really? He
thinks his unconscious is writing? Yeah, right. Nope. That’s when I get my
rest, that’s when there is no creative work going on. Period. But you can’t
really be too hard on the schmuck. I mean, English isn’t his first
language, nor his second, nor his fifth… Still, unconscious writing? Mwa-ha-ha-ha.
So funny. Oops. I think I just peed a little. It’s getting warm around the
cerebellum.
Where
were we? Oh, yeah, Louise, blog post. Ain’t gonna happen. I refuse. I just won’t
let him take the credit and all the glory. She’ll post a nice set of words,
carefully and delicately crafted by yours truly on her website with a photo of
a smiley Hans, all smug—you know the type, right? Maybe a cover shot of my latest work Last
Winter’s Snow (with his name on it, of course), and let me
tell you, it wasn’t easy to talk to those guys, particularly not Casper. The
guy was frantic. Can’t blame him. If I were dead, I’d be weird, too…
So, I took over.
I’m calling the shots this time. Hans is off to a convention in Berlin, and
given previous experiences, he’ll do just fine without me. He’s a guy. All he
has to do is sit there and smile like an imbecile and people will love him…as long as he
keeps his trap shut! He does it really well. I’ve observed him sometimes, when I watch
Netflix. He just sits there, like a complete idiot, a mindless automaton. It’s
hilarious, really. Ah, to be the brain of an author. We get no credit, but boy, do we get to
laugh a lot! Not to mention play tricks on their body bags. Just yesterday, I hid his
glasses. He looked for them for a full thirty minutes. He’s short-sighted, so
he doesn’t see shit without them. I was sitting up there in his head, and I was
dying… It was too much. Half an hour, and the best part? I knew where they
were, all the time. I just wouldn’t tell him. I had too much fun following his
body bag around the house, his heart beating ever more frantically.
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| Looking good inside Hans M Hirchi |
Anyway,
I’m coming up on the word limit here, and we don’t want Louise to get cranky
with me. I mean I don’t even know her. Better not push the envelope, you know?
Be kind, smile, do as you’re told, that sort of thing? This was fun, though, and
Hans won’t know a thing. I tell you, the guy’s as gullible as a horny hedgehog
on a cactus… Oh, yeah, one final thing. If you ever want to talk to me, you
know persona al cerebro, just email me brain@hirschi.se. And you’re of course welcome to visit my website, too, at www.hirschi.se, which has links to all my hard work. Needless to say, you’ll see
Hans’s face plastered all over. I usually go by the motto of esse non videri,
but I do respond to email, I promise.
Introducing...
LAST WINTER'S SNOW
This is the story of Nilas and how he navigates life, trying to reconcile being gay as well as being Sami. Set over several decades, we follow Nilas and his Swedish husband Casper, as they build a life amid the shallows of bigotry, discrimination, and the onset of the AIDS crisis.
Last Winter’s Snow portrays recent LGBT history from a Swedish perspective, from the days when being gay was considered a “mental disorder” to today’s modern anti-discrimination legislation and the move toward equality. It’s also the story of one couple and the ups and downs of everyday life in the face of changing rules and attitudes toward them and their relationship.
Last Winter’s Snow portrays recent LGBT history from a Swedish perspective, from the days when being gay was considered a “mental disorder” to today’s modern anti-discrimination legislation and the move toward equality. It’s also the story of one couple and the ups and downs of everyday life in the face of changing rules and attitudes toward them and their relationship.
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| Amazon.com | Amazon.UK |
Last, not least, it’s a book that celebrates the rich history and culture of the Sami and their land, Sápmi, as well as their ongoing struggle to achieve recognition and win back the right to self-determination over lands they’ve lived on for thousands of years.
Last Winter’s Snow is Hans M Hirschi’s first novel set almost entirely in Sweden, but it is the second time (after Fallen Angels of Karnataka) he takes his readers on a journey into the mountainous regions of Scandinavia in one of his acclaimed novels.
Last Winter’s Snow is Hans M Hirschi’s first novel set almost entirely in Sweden, but it is the second time (after Fallen Angels of Karnataka) he takes his readers on a journey into the mountainous regions of Scandinavia in one of his acclaimed novels.
