Wakey, wakey! Another boring author interview. Thank me later.

 Peter Englebright 

completes the boring interview challenge!

What's so great about your crap book?
It's different. It goes into strange places that I don't think many other books or stories delve into. It's perverse and absurd, and frankly not quite right.

What made you think you’re so perfect that you didn’t need to pay a professional to edit your book?

I write short to the point prose.  I don’t meander when I tell my story so there doesn’t seem to be much need to tighten it up.  As far as I can tell the writing and storytelling is as lean and minimalist as it can be.  There is no bloat or boring subplots that need pruned.

Amazon.com | Amazon.UK

Yawn, so basically you're the same as all the rest of the authors on Amazon and you’re the Next Best Thing. I don’t think so. Come on, tell me why should I spend time reading YOUR book over more well-received authors?

The modest answer is to say there is no reason.  The arrogant answer is to say that the vast majority of what everyone else writes is generic genre fiction.  Stuff you’ve already read variations on far too many times before.  I don’t promise a good book, but I highly doubt it will be similar to much else you’ve ever read.

 

Is there an author who inspires (perspires) you?

Do you think you write better than them?  Is your aim to out-sell them?

Not really.  Clive Barker maybe, but I’ve probably not read anything by him in over a decade.  Also I’ve only read two of his books - Cabal and Coldheart Canyon.  Neither of which I thought was anything special.  Also in my mind I’m not competing directly or indirectly with him.  I don’t measure myself against him.  Yet that’s the only name that springs to mind.  His films mean more to me, and they weren’t particularly good either.

In the writing world, have you ever regretted anything i.e written your own review (or written a bad review on a competitor's novel), argued on-line, copied someone else's idea?

No.  I’ve done none of the above or anything else underhand.  There’s no point.  If I have any regrets it’s not coming up with a title of my own for my sixth book.  It’s a very minor regret but using an obscure Nine Inch Nails song title was kind of lazy.  The Way Out Is Through is a good title, it just isn’t mine.

What qualifications do you have for writing in your genre?

A weird imagination that goes into strange places, coupled with a decent grasp of fluid dream logic.
Awesome qualification, and a must have for writers!

If I were to read your book would I have to scroll through lots of acknowledgements saying how wonderful your book is before I got to the meat of a story?

No.  I don’t even understand the question.  Do books usually have pages of praise at the start?

 Yes, you've not encountered it? To my dearest mother, father, siblings, neighbour, cat... and then there are the reasons why you should buy the book: It's a brilliant read, awesome characters, you won't be able to put it down... argghhhhh!

Why that shitty title?

It’s not shitty.  It’s brilliant.  I laugh a little at it as it’s so excessive and unreasonable.  If you don’t like the title then you won’t like the book.

I don't like the title. Or rather, I don't really understand it. Is the book meant to be a black comedy or a non-fiction book?

How long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)?

A little over two months.  Writing is funny in that it feels slow and plodding but suddenly after only two or three months you’ve written a whole book.  It sounds suspicious that I wrote it so quickly, and yet I don’t feel I cut any corners.  I sacrificed nothing for speed.  It doesn’t feel compromised at all, and I don’t believe it would have been a significantly better book if I took a full year to write it.  Just because I worked fast doesn’t mean I did a poor job.

It didn’t take you long to write so does that mean it is poorly researched, edited and written on a whim?

No.  I’m not sloppy.

Do you have any bad habits, or stupid rituals you HAVE to do in order to write?

No.
Sheesh, you're so boring! Not even one tiny bad habit? Like you have to wear pink while writing? Or is that just me?

Authors are usually labelled as ‘dreamers’ and ‘loners’. Have you been labelled as such? And what implications do you think that has on a writer?
Yes, and I have no idea.
You're really rolling with the 'boring interview' theme, ain't you?

Describe your perfect death (in case I have to kill you)?

Massive heart attack or similar in my sleep.  I don’t want to see it coming.
That's something I can arrange!

Give me the first, middle and end line in your book.

1. Not everyone can play a clever girl.
2. Once it was down I opened my mouth wide for him to look inside and see for himself that it was gone.
3. It wasn’t an exaggeration when I said that it might be a masterpiece.

Think I've fallen into a coma...