The BORING author interview revisited
A. J. Goode
What’s so great about your crap book? (Don't want the boring details, a couple of lines is suffice!)
It's a romance novel with sex . . . Because, you know, there are so few of those being self-published every day.
Why that shitty title?
Because I was feeling really pretentious that day and thought it sounded sufficiently artsy-fartsy.
Did you run out of ideas?
Only when writing scenes that needed new positions for sex.
How long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)?
If it took over a year to write: Does that mean this book is boringly long and laborious to read?
No, it means I have ADHD and all the focus of a squirrel on crack.
What do you really think about erotica?
I think erotica is great until the batteries die. I mean the battery in my Kindle. Sure.
No, I respect a writer who can go low . . .
If you didn’t have your book professionally edited: What made you think you’re so perfect that you didn’t need to pay a professional?
Three years in Nancy Frank's AP English class. I still have PTSD and flashbacks when I see an incorrect gerund or misplaced modifier.
Yawn, so basically you're the same as all the rest of the authors on Amazon and you’re the Next Best Thing. I don’t think so. Come on, tell me why should I spend time reading YOUR book over more well-received authors?
Because I promise not to call you at home if you leave a bad review.
Is there an author who inspires (perspires) you?I aspire to be like any author who earns enough to afford erotica and batteries.
Do you think you write better than them?
Some of them.
Is your aim to out-sell them?
In the writing world, have you ever regretted anything i.e written your own review (or written a bad review on a competitor's novel), argued on-line, copied someone else's idea?
I have a sinking feeling I may regret this interview. Other than that, I regret posting some really horrendous love poetry on Poetry.com when I was younger.
But I'm being nice! Sheesh.
What qualifications do you have for writing in your genre?
I've been married, so I know about romance. I've given birth, so I obviously know about sex. And I'm divorced, so I know about erotica and batteries.
Many authors use their qualifications to show off their so-called talents i.e. crime writers are often coppers (police, for the non-Brits present) and the book becomes boringly technical. How have you managed to keep your knowledge low key? Or haven’t you bothered?
I have no real knowledge, so it hasn't been a problem.
If I were to read your book would I have to scroll through lots of acknowledgements saying how wonderful your book is before I got to the meat of a story?
What part of the world do you come from?
The part that looks like a really big mitten.
Greenland? Australia? *Runs to search the world map for a mitten!*
What do you think of your government?
I believe in every imaginable conspiracy theory because paranoid maniacs are fun to listen to.
If you were me (you know, perfect) and knew nothing about a person and you were told to interview them, what’s the one question you would ask? (answer it).
If you were a tree, what kind would you be? (Oak, because maples are evil.)
I'm beginning to think you're slightly kooky...
Do you have any bad habits, or stupid rituals you HAVE to do in order to write?
I do. My ritual involves dragging my laptop into the deepest, cobwebbiest, nastiest corner of the house and telling my children that the monsters there will eat any child who disturbs me.
*Making note to self to try this one*
Thank you A. J. Goode, it's been a pleasure.
And that's the last of the Boring Interviews. Not so boring after all!