First up for the boring author interview revisited is
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What do you really think about erotica?
Well, it’s just porn, right? What’s the difference between erotica and porn anyway? Well, I guess people aren’t ashamed to say they watch porn…
Is it the low of the lows for writers?
Nope. That would be monster erotica. Which I guess is a kind of erotica. So yes.
If I were to read your book would I have to scroll through lots of acknowledgements saying how wonderful your book is before I got to the meat of a story?
Nah. The acknowledgements all go at the end.
What part of the world do you come from?
The U.S. of Motherfuckin’ A., motherfuckers!!!
I'd swear if I lived in America, too.
What do you think of your government?
It seems to be a weird hybrid of the Mafia and a human centipede.
If your book is set outside England would I understand your jargon? I mean, fanny means lady front parts NOT backside, car hood is a car bonnet--everyone knows that, right? Are British Englishisms/Americanisms/Australianisms etc important in your book? It's all about identity, isn't it?
Funny old question, that. Although ostensibly my book is set in a dystopian America, the clones do have a lot of uniquely British habits. They go to pubs, play darts, and eat pot noodles. Wait a minute, did you say fanny means frontside? Does that mean a fanny pack is like a tampon in England?
The proper name is bum bag, but that's something you'd not understand being an American and a guy. Not much going for you, is there?
Why that shitty title?
As my first 1-star reviewer somehow figured out, I stole the shit out of it. I’ve been desperately praying no one who reads it has ever heard of the Simpsons.
Did you run out of ideas?
Of course! Why do you think everyone in the bleedin’ book is a bleedin’ clone? (How was that for Englishisms?)
Er, stick to your American drawl, your English stinks.
If you were me (you know, perfect) and knew nothing about a person and you were told to interview them, what’s the one question you would ask? (answer it).
Q: Would you bang Kim Kardashian if she was STD-free?
A: Hell no. Khloe, though…
Wear a condom just in case.
How long did it take you to complete your book (from idea to publication)?
Like 5 weeks.
It didn’t take you long to write so does that mean it is poorly researched, edited and written on a whim?
Thanks Stephen. Mind how you go, no really, mind how you go.