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Sunday, 20 April 2014

Heard of reverse promotion?

For something different in May I'm offering space on my blog for those who dare to write reverse promotion about their book (or themselves). It's a fun/evil way of talking about your bad characters, or your characters' worse traits (they aren't perfect, I hope!), and dishing the dirt on your writing style. 

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Here's my reverse promotion on my romantic comedy - 

A Proper Charlie.

The book is British and set in London, so for any non Britons reading be prepared for a lot Brit lingo that'll confuse the stuffing out of you. The main character, Charlie Wallis, also has ginger hair, and if that isn't enough to put you off she's too needy, too trusting and an utter doormat to her loser of a boyfriend, Andy.

The genre is romantic comedy but love scenes don't come easy to me so I took the easy way out and wrote bad sex scenes--I've had lots of experience (did I just say that out loud?). Anyhoo, here's short 'sexy' excerpt:



He stood up – it took several attempts – but he eventually stood before her. ‘Had one pint, that’s all,’ he said, pronouncing pint as “point”. He staggered sidewards, righted himself, but then staggered the other way. He sat back down. ‘Think my drink was spiked.’
Charlie sat next to him. ‘Sorry I yelled, love. I’m tired, that’s all. You could have asked me about having your mates here. I wouldn’t have minded,’ she lied. She always felt the need to count the cutlery after they’d been round.
Andy swallowed a belch and nodded.
She slipped her arms around his waist. ‘I’m not too tired for making love, though.’
‘Need a piss,’ he said and pulled away from her. Before he got to the bathroom, his fly was undone and he was pulling his penis from his boxers. He peed with the door open and then staggered back towards Charlie, tucking it away. He wiped his hands on his jeans.
‘Let’s shag until morning,’ he said with a grin. He tripped and crashed to the ground by her feet. He laughed, belched, and fell asleep.

A Proper Charlie is real life, real funny and real pink. If you're a guy you'll hate it: no guns (heck, this is a British novel!), no babes (heck, this is a British novel!), and no fast cars (heck this is a ...). If you're a girl you'll hate it too: no hearts and flowers, no sexy guys (unless you find geeky men attractive) and no shiny, sparkly shoes (I don't think Charlie has any!).

Charlie lives for love but she's clueless, and clings to her boyfriend unaware that he's abusing her trust. She's clueless in everything she does, in fact, as one reviewer put 'A Proper Charlie is a piece of steaming shite!' and her boss Ben Middleton (no relation to Kate) gets covered in the stuff! 

So you see, unless you like annoying characters who are not only unlucky in love but useless, then do literature a favour and DON'T buy A Proper Charlie.

So over to you guys. Write something about your book using one of the below styles (or your own idea):

1. 200 to 700 word article (approx) on why people shouldn't buy {name of book}.
2. 200 to 700 word article (approx) on why people should avoid all your book(s).
3. 200 to 700 word article (approx) on why people should avoid you completely (as a person and/or as an author).

Article (or bullet points) can be funny, argumentative, evil, an utter piss-take, your call.

Send in your author media (links, bio and pic) and book details (purchase links, blurb, extract etc).

Please send all ASAP so I can arrange everyone with dates using the 'contact' button top left of screen. All articles will appear here and tweeted out via Triberr. Intros to your article will be posted to WWBB's Facebook page. All book covers will be posted on Pinterest in the Book Junkies library.

Come on, be brave...
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