FREE chick lit! Shame about the blurb!

by 

Louise Wise

Some writers hate writing the synopsis while others hate the editing. Me? I detest the blurb. Unlike the synopsis you have to make it exciting! Make it sound like it's full of exclamation marks without using them! That's how one writer advised me once, anyway!

OK, I'll stop using them now. 

The Fall of the Misanthrope: I bitch therefore I am is only obtainable on Kindle at the moment, but soon it will be made available as a paperback. And that means I want my blurb to be perfect (I can easily change my Kindle doc.).

Here are my chosen blurbs:

Available at the following:
Amazon.UK
Amazon.com

(1) Welcome to the dark side of chick lit. (Love this bit! Will keep this.)

Valerie Anthrope is a woman not on the edge, but in an abyss. Love and friendship have become memories, and are numbed in her heart. (A bit Mills and Boon?) And that's fine with her. She doesn’t want to disturb them, because awakened, people die. (Sounds like a horror novel!)

Valerie doesn’t know it but her heart is about to thaw and her curse is about to erupt. 

(2) ‎Valerie is trapped in an abyss of unhappy memories. She is a woman on the edge and most people are happy for her to stay there. Everyone is doing just fine without her. But when she begins to thaw, and the terrible secrets surface, her world is changed forever. Do you still want to be her friend? (Short and sweet, but does it sound like chick lit? Hmm, not sure.)
Welcome, to the dark side of chick lit... (so love this bit.)

(3) Valerie’s life fell apart a long time ago, the crux of her, like a mismatched jigsaw, is pieced together in a vacuum of independence and self-preservation so strong no-one is brave enough to see that it is all an act. (OMG! A little bit Wuthering Heights, dontcha think?)

Love and friendship remain memories; buried in her subconscious. She can’t disturb them, because unearthed, people die. (Maybe I should write horror?)

Lex Kendal is prepared for the consequences, but will it unleash Valerie’s curse?

Welcome, to the dark side of chick lit. (Told you I loved this bit!)

(4)  How fragile is the human mind? Nurture or nature? What makes us us? (A bit documentaryish?)

Valerie Anthrope is a cut-throat business woman and happy being alone. She answers to no-one. She’s The Boss. (Oooh, if I hadn’t of written this book, I’d have bought it because of that line! How clever am I!)

But enter Ellen in the guise of her fairy godmother wanting to make the world rosy and smelling of marshmallow. (Marshmallow? Maybe not so clever, after all!) How can Valerie cope with this burst of sunshine? It gets worse, Ellen has a nephew who’s equally chirpy, but he thinks it’s Valerie taking advantage of Ellen and sets out to take her down a peg or two! (Better. But where’s the ‘welcome to the dark side of chick lit’ gone? Should I keep it?)

(5)  Follow The ‘fall’ (see, what I did there? Clever? Stupid?) of the Misanthrope. A dark chick lit (got the ‘dark’ back in) that's filled with humour and warmth, and heart-wrenching moments of heartache when she discovers her heart can be thawed. 

Valerie lost everything she cared about years ago, and she keeps on losing those she loves. Not any more. Valerie is so determined to never to feel that emotional pain again that she vows never to fall in love. Ever.

(6)  Valerie Anthrope lives alone, and works alone. She is a bitch that no one wants to be around, and that suits her fine. But busybody, Ellen, is watching her and wants to ‘mend’ Valerie. In fact, she makes it her mission. She thinks she’s a struggling broker for Sunny Oak Brokerage and coerces her rich nephew into buying insurance. But nephew Lex wants Valerie to become another notch on his bedpost.

While Valerie brings Lex down a peg or three, Lex teaches Valerie that life is for the living. Only neither Lex nor Ellen realise that Valerie is cursed, and the very reason that she is a bitch is that it keeps people from dying. (Too long? Not chick littey enough?)

(7)   Welcome, to the dark side of chick lit. (Yay!)

Being a misanthropist is Valerie Anthrope’s defence.

She is a cut-throat business woman and happy being alone. She answers to no-one. She has no time for romantic trivialities, and definitely no time for Ellen who nominates herself as her fairy godmother. (I like! Think I’m getting the hang of this now!)

But what of Ellen’s playboy nephew? The one who Ellen coerces into buying insurance from Valerie’s brokerage? The one who is full of himself and smitten with Valerie’s cool demeanour. His cocky know-it-all manner, posse of female admirers and playboy reputation are more than enough to put Valerie off – or is it enough to keep her interested? After all, being in a relationship with a playboy means there’s no burden of commitment.

Or is there?

Anyway, The Fall of the Misanthrope: I bitch therefore I am is FREE this weekend 21^st – 24^th September. But in the meant time, if you’ve any suggestions for the blurb…?