An interview with Kimi Nichols
from the YA fantasy novels
by John Hudspith
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Hi, thank you for having me.
Kimi, your first adventure began in the book `Kimi’s Secret` written by a guy
called John Hudspith, he was pretty clever, writing about your adventures (must
give him some credit I suppose, although I know you did all the heroics!). It
must make you feel quite special!
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| Kimi |
Ha! Me, special? Don’t think so. But I
do feel lucky, very lucky to be the chosen one. Not many thirteen year-olds get
to do such cool stuff like getting every bone in their body broken or sucking
dodo brains through a curly straw.
Have you recovered from your amazing adventures,
and are you ready to answer all sorts of questions for your fans?
Yep, I’m good. The boss puts me in
stasis whenever I’m not in his head so it’s great to get the chance to come out
and chat.
Will you ever go back to Mousehole and have a
‘normal’ life? Would you want to?
I love Mousehole, so peaceful, and the
people are lovely, well, apart from Old Grot.
Who’s Old Grot?
She looks like a witch and drives a bus
through the village ten times a day, and, you know the streets are really narrow,
right? Well, she blocks cars in and just stares at the drivers. She’s so rude.
Now that I have my mojo I’d like to go back there and shoot a few stunners up
her –
Errr, okay, Kimi…
Exhaust pipe, I was going to say
exhaust pipe.
Right. So, would you ever go back there and live a
normal life?
Maybe when I’m old and grey – if the
boss lets me live that long. I’ve seen some pretty scary thoughts in his head.
Scary? How do you mean?
Last time I checked he had devised
forty-two ways of killing me off.
You’re joking me?
No, I’m not, and some are really gross.
Like what?
Erm, like one time, he has this scene,
right, where I’m involved a mid-space twirly collision with a farmer who’s
transferring his genetically engineered pigs from Heart to Earth and I end up
as this deformed monster who runs amok eating everything in its path –
including dog droppings – and I grow to the size of a house before being blown
to pieces by a tank.
You made that up!
Did not. Another scene he’s got roughed
out has the atoms in Little Hand going all, erm…funny, erm, what’s the word…
Mutating?
That’s it. And the mutating spreads and
I end up looking like a wrinkled prune and the only thing that will keep me
alive is to float in space so he hangs me from a star, like forever.
From a star? Aww that’s quite romantic.
Romantic? You’re funny.
How did you get your deformed hand? Birth defect?
Or is it because of your mojo?
Oh, I do know the name but can’t
remember it. It’s something to do with being trapped in my mum’s womb and that
left the grooves in my hand and stopped it from growing.
I think it’s clever how the grooves add focus when
targeting your mojo.
Yeah, the boss does come up with some
cool stuff for me.
What are your favourite cool things?
Roasted dodo, that is delicious. Erm, flying in UFOs, and riding with my inner
crow for games with the magic man, and twirlies, I really like twirling, and
shooting stunners, and doing the separation.
What do twirlies feel like? Don’t you get dizzy?
I’m meant to, but you know, having
one’s atoms disassembled and reassembled is really quite a buzz, though the
boss had me acting all discombobulated to begin with.
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Greylian |
On a scale of 1 to 10 how scary are the greylians?
One hundred million thousand. They
creep me out. It’s that weird cupcake smile. I always think they’re up to
something – even Granp the good greylian, Stella’s friend.
How does Stella like living in the ‘real world’? Do
you think she could settle there?
Erm, I don’t know. Never really asked
her. You should get Stella in for an interview – she’s hilarious off-page.
Do you ever feel like running away and hiding when
the going gets tough?
Every time the boss opens Word. He
drinks tea, black, with two teabags left in the mug, drinks it all day long,
and by the time he reaches his fifth mug I’m usually suffering.
Suffering?
He has this image, like a poster,
pinned on the wall of his mind, it shows me stuck up a tree and he’s throwing
rocks at me. Says it’s good for my character.
I suppose you can’t really hide then.
Well, there is one place in the bottom
of his mind that he hasn’t discovered yet. It’s blacker than black in there and
I’ve got my eye on it just in case. Don’t tell him will you?
I won’t. You have a lot of friends who are so
brave, funny and kind. But if you HAD to choose ONE to spend the rest of your
life with who’d it be? ( I think
I know.)
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| Book 1 in the Kimi's Adventures. |
Oh, erm, it’s really hot in here. Next
question before I die, please.
If you were to die, would Bentley cease to exist?
How old is he, really? Does his intelligence alter whatever age he becomes?
Yes it does. Which is fun to play with.
I don’t know how old he really is, but I love that I can command his age to
suit my needs. Every girl should have a Bentley.
And would he cease to exist if you were to die?
No, apparently, once a tulpa loses its
human carrier it retires to Mercurial Waters, which is like a ghostly swamp
place on Heart. And sometimes they go on vacation to Earth space and have fun.
Like ghosts returning to old haunts?
Ha! Exactly that, yes.
What about those greylians…did you ever find out
how greylians use the loo?
Urgh, yes. Stella told me but I can’t
repeat it here. Your readers would puke. Apparently, you remember Balancer
Stubbs? She’s supposed to be, like, security or something right, but one day,
on a spying mission, she had to stake out the toilets and a greylian came in
for, erm, a number two (can I say that here?)…
You just did.
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| Author John Hudspith (da boss) |
…Well, you know that tube that comes
out of their mouths to suck up their food, well, urgghhhh, I’m sorry, makes me
gag just thinking about it, but Stubbs was off sick for a month and needed
counselling.
You’re funny, Kimi.
I’m serious. Greylians are gross.
What was life like for Balancer Stubbs before
becoming a balancer?
I’m not really sure. Though I did
overhear her talking to Ruthie one day. She was telling her about her mother
who is a detective for the government and how she once met the Prime Minister.
And you met the Queen herself in `Kimi’s Fear`. How
was that for you?
I was shaking a lot. But it was cool
that she wore pink just for me. I do like her Maj.
You mentioned Ruthie. For those that don’t know,
Ruthie is a monkey and married to the chief of fuzz, Rehd, and for me they make
a great pair. Who is your favourite monkey?
I love Ruthie. She’s so cute the way
she gets me to paint her nails and she loves dressing up. All the monkeys are
cool, although whenever Big Sue is doing a scene with a monkey he insists they
use breath freshener, which is a bit rude really.
Big Sue is a man, isn’t he, a very strange man.
Yeah he’s obsessed with cleaning. He’s
nice though.
Do you have any life ambitions? Doctor? Teacher?
Taxidermist?
I’d like to go on proper missions. Two
books in and I’m yet to have one. Don’t you think that’s a bit odd?
Wouldn’t you say your adventures were the best
missions to have?
They’re still not, like, real missions.
In `Kimi’s Secret` you got to go back in time and
save the day, then in `Kimi’s Fear` you got to spend some quality time with
Perry, again saving the day. Sounds like real missions to me.
I didn’t like the Fear one much, to be
honest. Perry was awful at times.
You know, I knew
there was something up with him! But how do you feel about him now? Still
fancy him?
I like Perry, but I don’t fancy him.
What do you like about him?
He’s got a complexion to die for,
amazing white teeth and a brilliant smile and his hair is all funky and
gorgeous and when he’s collecting pots in the Rabbit’s Foot he’s so clever the
way he balances so many without ever dropping a single one…and he cooks a mean
dodo curry, and there was one time, in band camp –
You fancy him.
I like Mr Purse, too, but he was
modelled on Stephen Fry. Have you seen that nose?
*laughs*
- Let’s get this right: for every five
minutes in Earth space, it’s five hours in Heart space. That means you’re older
in Heart, than in Mousehole, what with the twirling back and forwards?
Kind of. Bentley says it: `buggers with your being` - let me get
this right… it’s, erm, the time diff can age you but the atom reassembling goes
towards regeneration so the one `almost` cancels out the other.
I’m not sure I understand.
Well, to quote Stella: `it’s two steps back and one-point-nine steps
forward`.
I think everyone would like a mentor like Stella.
She really did you proud, eh? She certainly surprised me. Did your parents know
her (and your other Heart friends, come to think of it) and was she/they
specially selected to help you conquer your missions?
Yeah, Stella was always lined up to be
my mentor. The boss says she’s there to prevent obvious info dumps and to
lubricate the plot points but I just think she’s super cool. And I love that
she calls me sister.
If you could choose one scene out of all the scenes
that you have starred in to be your absolute favourite scene – what would it
be?
Erm, that’s hard because every scene is
an amazing scene.
Did your boss tell you to say that?
You got me. Five quid and the pizza of
my choice.
Dodo toppings?
No, actually, my favourite pizza is
banana and salami with garlic and Dolly Mixtures.
Amazing taste buds you have there! So go on, tell me your
favourite scene.
I think it was going back in time to
when I was six years-old and it was Christmas morning and there I am standing
over my younger sleeping self and I give her a prod to wake her up and – she
can’t see me of course – she stares right through me and grins and oh my I was
so cute.
I remember that – it was a lovely
scene.
Yeah, and the weird thing is I have
this memory of being six and waking suddenly and thinking Santa was downstairs
and all the time it was the older me waking me up. That was pretty cool.
Is there going to be a third Kimi book?
I hope so but to be honest I’m kept in
the dark.
You must have some idea of what your boss is thinking.
Well, don’t say anything but I have
been snooping in his ideas box and I have seen a few hints.
Like?
Erm, well, there’s Fifty Shades of Mojo I’ve seen, and erm, what was the other
one…something about happy vampires: Big
Sue’s Diaries.
Happy vampires?
No – gay – yes that was it, Gay
Vampires. But I don’t get where I would fit in.
If you could create your third adventure yourself,
what would you do?
Erm, let me see, something warm and
cosy, probably set on Barbados with glorious sunsets and good food and hot sand
and…and…and…
Kimi?
Oh, sorry, daydreamer me. Ha!
Would your co-star be Perry by any chance?
Can I go now?
Thanks, Kimi – you are a star!
Thank you.
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